the $50 fast cash from checking button should just be retitled "8th of weed"
Ya know, years from now when that kid is old enough, I'll get to regale him with the story of how I was his father's AND uncle's first gay experience.
smelt my brothers hands when he got home to see if he lied about smoking again...he didn't lie but i definitely didn't expect to smell some other girls vagina.
no i do not regret standing at the wendys drive thu handing the employees mardi gra beads to get free chicken nuggets
Dear room mates I tried to shotgun pam in the kitchen. It is slippery. Please be careful. That is all. Love you.
There's a warrant out for his arrest for throwing a mannequin through a bus stop.
Nope not happening. When I close my eyes the floor moves. I'm going to enjoy this free roller coaster.
Well, I washed his beard with dish soap and then I fucked him three times.
I'm a bit broke right now... Would it be OK if I pay you in champagne and Xanax?
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
Ya know, one would think a restraining order would keep me from fucking my ex.
I just wiped cum off my face with baby wipes... #momlife
Autocorrect changes "sex" to "sec". I have been so long without it my phone thinks I made a mistake.
Dude, I'm sorry if you saw me getting head in my truck last night. My bad.
I would like you to know, a bag of cheese cubes just attacked me at work.
Randomize
