Just saw an Asian guy riding his razor scooter to class. Dreams do come true
What did you want me to do? You know I don't like fat people. I'm an asshole to them sober it only gets worse when I'm drunk
That doesn't make it okay! You tried kicking the girl's mom out where we were having the party at!
do you really not remember him getting up at like 4am with a leaf blower running through the house and telling people to "WAKE THE FUCK UPPP"
Like, I just want to be naked rolling around in soft things.
I just learned a new drink. Sloppy Ninja. Half Saki Half Nyquil
I thought monday through wednesday was a YOLO free zone.
It's probably because the lack of alcohol in your stomach. Alcohol kills bacteria. I am a doctor. Trust me
You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
Can't wait to bequeath this flannel to my grandchildren someday.
'I've been using this to pick up lesbians since before you were born!'
i just remember sliding through the snow and yelling i love america before puking on the oncoming cars
Yeah man... I ordered donuts, drank wine, and cried to a movie with Seth Rogen in it. Do you really think I have my shit together?
Sorry you had to clean the sheets with your macro notes
I would reevaluate a bf who is happy with other guys doing me.
Just let me put on a bra and brush the alcohol out of my hair.
I'm going to leave the 5 dollars that fell out of my bra while fucking in his room on the dresser as an apology
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