you need to do more things constructive for your career. like wearing pants more often.
And then I have a slight inkling that I went up to the bar and tried to order the bartender.
he puked in his toast at dennys. after snoopdogg high fived him. couldn't be prouder to be his bro in law.
He like walks around to open car doors for me. Has already held my hair while I barf and still likes me. What. Is. Happening.
I'll be really easy to find... I'm the naked one rolling around in cats.
He did not appreciate the "you did reuse the diamond" comment when looking at his new fiance's ring.
Just for future reference, me asking if you're free, followed by a winking face is not my way of suggesting a tandem bike ride.
You woke up butt naked, peed yourself said something about jumbo shrimp, and passed back out 10 seconds ltr..
I had to rename my dildo. I met a little kid who named his teddy bear the same name. It just felt wrong.
My throw up tasted like pumpkin, fall is right around the corner.
I just woke and boke and made apple pancakes. I'm kicking Monday in the dick.
I asked him to help me break in the space ship aka my bed.
I tried to face swap with Chuck Norris. His face was too powerful... it broke my snap chat.
I think I gave a random lady a dildo
Again?!
can we drink soon
I'm not sure who this is but I'm free tomorrow night
Randomize
