why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
Latenightwjoannablackberrywontletmespaceitknowsimdrunk
ok watching intervention on tv. when i hit rock bottom - i wanna be THIS chick.
talked to my RA about stamps and mailmen again. when do you think she'll realize that i only talk to her when i'm high?
would it be subtle enough if I played birthday sex on repeat while I may or may not be stripping?
i just like, need to vent to someone
Can we skip the part where I pretend to care and fast forward to the appreciative blowjob from you?
Do you know how I hurt my ankle or my shoulder? Or the origin of any of the following mystery bruises: left quad, left wrist, right elbow. Thanks for playing.
He played the same pre-sex songs as his brother...
I JUST WANT TO HAVE MILDLY SOCIALLY ACCEPTABLE SEX WITH HIM AND CALL HIM CUPCAKE.
Did you send me a snapchat of your sister triple kissing two other girls?!!! You might be the greatest friend the world ever made
Our apt smells like hot shit marinated in oregano and cumin. No more taco truck dinner, fuck face. The wall paper is peeling.
People were wondering why I started hanging out with him after high school, the simple answer is now that I don't see his dorky ness everyday I can just focus on his amazing penis.
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
WHY THE FUCK DID I HAVE TO FALL IN LOVE WITH A CONVICT
Man, I miss taking bong rips in my room. Now they are bringing dogs around so all my stuff is hidden in random places up in the woods. I literaly have to hunt and gather just to get high.
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