i am high, trapped with a bunch of skaters and asians watching a cat on lsd on youtube, the girl on the couch next to me is getting fingered, and there is lady gaga playing. god has forgetten about me
She said my main job as maid of honor is to ensure the groom doesn't find out that each of his seven groomsmen has had his penis inside her.
His facebook status was woke up with a whale ..... Captain AHAB IS BACK !!!!!
yeah, its right past the deli mart where i showed my right tit for mozzarella sticks.
I don't understand but I fell asleep naked holding a tub of cool whip and a boiled egg
The yard is growling at me WHAT DID U GIVE ME?
She called all of my friends to find out where I was last night. 7 out of ten said their place.
Saxophones in my mind. I swear someone dosed me.
I ate the last cupcake. I'm sorry. It was in the refrigerator mocking me. So I ate it. And it was glorious. But I'm sorry.
I need to go back to work. I've had so much sex since the shutdown started. last night we tried and a little flag came out saying "nothing is left in here try a week later"
So pro tip. do not order drugs from india and then assume you know your tolerance level.
Am I getting cock blocked by karaoke? That's a first.
a victory without nudity is not really a victory
No clue what you did last night, sorry. You did hand me a pizza and a mason jar with $1200 in small bills in it when I let you in though.
cinco de mayo stole my toenail
cinco de mayo stole my virginity.
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