he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
Is there a zoo near here? I need to see some penguins like right now..
I am not bailing you of of jail
Finished the final in under ten minutes and then puked in the bushes outside. I don't even care if I graduate anymore.
I have 20 seconds to get my life together and look presentable.
is it cool if i crash at ur house this weekend again bro
yea dude but i wld bring a sleeping bag or something just in case. or u may just have to shack up with a woman or 2 cuz we hav 10 girls visiting/staying over at my house.
how did u manage to make sleeping with a bunch of girls sound like an inconvenience?
Woke up in a wet suit with my junk cut out. In a strange apartment. Just found thing biggest bong u have ever seen. WHERE ARE YOU?!?!?!
he suggested we do it doggy style cuz it was his dead dogs birthday...i had to do it
Dude he fell into my wall and left an imprint then decided to have sex with the door open. Vents carry noise pretty well
Your fuck buddy is making you watch the OC. I think that counts as strings attached.
these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck"
She gave you a handy in the bar and you were surprised she was good with a dick?
Hahah good point
I woke up missing my shoes and my left eyebrow. MY. EYEBROW.
Are you seriously getting this frustrated over a hand-job right now?
i am craving dick and cupcakes
Facebook is for cat videos and having better lives than people from high school, period.
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