Someone told me they could tell we were from cincinnati because we say "as fuck" after adjectives
i had a dream last night that you and i organized a foursome. swear to god
ps i'll be in miami in early july. this text has no relation to the last one
Just threw up off a chairlift. my life is now complete.
Results of pregaming honors college basketball social: 18 points, 3 blocks, and 3 flagrant fouls leading to 2 broken bones on former valedictorians. I'm doing this more often.
If drinking before honors events and injuring our universities brightest doesn't get you kicked out of the program, you're not trying hard enough.
I'm babysitting my fucking roommate he took out the screen and is trying to throw dishware in our fucking pool after he repelled off our balcony
I just used my glow stick from the dance to find my way in the bathroom to puke. Who wants me on their corporate team
What a dumb baby whore.
It'd be a romantic, consensual abduction
I mean i can't really be mad...either way i was gonna fuck him or hate fuck him, so it's basically a win/win situation.
Ice that vagina down, get some coffee, and try not to walk with a limp. It's time to dominate, pull it together
I rang in the new year by giving a lap dance to a Lutheran minister in a roomful of people including his wife. Jesus would be proud.
I'm not gonna lie. The thing I miss the most about him right now is the air conditioned hotel rooms.
Still stoned. I like your bong. It can stay. No others, though.
My dad slapped my ass the other day and say I was "doing the family name good". I feel...proud
I'd marry him just to keep his penis in the country
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