Someday soon you'll wake up next to a bottle of jameson and a half eaten lean cuisine and then you'll be just like me.
I'm not saying we can't have sex tonight, I'm just saying we have to work it around Lost.
Even DaVinci knew it was gay to draw the penis big. Thanks art history
the russians are downstairs with the vodka loudly proclaiming happy birthday america. i don't care if it's the fourth, i care that it's 9 am and they woke me up.
I envy the lives of milf's kids, the little kid grabs her tits and she just laughs and says not now
not sure if I should be concerned that my brother just stormed into my room and looked at me with a serious face and said, "I'm a peacock, you have to let me fly." oh, vicodin...
I danced on the street to dubstep on a boombox for an hour with a lesbian single mother.
I was just sitting on the ground alone in fetal position shivering and chewing on my hand when she found me. ecstasy was not my best idea.
He told me that if I were a guy he'd go gay for me. Honestly don't know how to take that.
Woke up with your brother in my bed...where do you want me to return him?
So to recap Superbowl Sunday - I won $100, bumped into the anti-christ and his cult, met a guy in a kilt and a wican, then got invited to a gayguy afterhours party.
Gonna be tough to beat that next year!
They used the ice bucket from their room to drink beer from and called it the "Holy Grail"
don't give me stepladders when i'm stoned.. i woke up to a slice of balogna nailed to the ceiling
I feel like you can't break up with someone on 420. It's against stoner code
And on the way out from Applebee's he tried to take the basket of toothpicks claiming he was using them as a tax write off. Last time I babysit my dad on thirsty Thursday.
Randomize