I think the only thing that impresses me are nice penises...and Jesus. Jesus would impress me. Especially if he walked on water again.
There are huge fuckin pieces of palm tree in the road. what a road hazard. as i sit here and text you as i swerve to miss them
We had an indepth conversation about his employment at Arbys..
She passed out in his mom's bed and when we went to go get her she went 'no its cool I live here'.
Oh wait looks like my cousin is getting deported THERE'S HOPE FOR THIS CHRISTMAS YET
how does 'resolution to respect myself more' follow 'he fucks me really hard'?
I don't know... But I do think this is probably the longest series of texts we've written discussing your cock. David was right, it is a brave new world. Also, slow day at work again?
I don't think boys are aware how difficult it is to take a picture of your own ass.
If we can only get laid once in a blue moon, apparently this will be our month.
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
Tomorrow may or may not be a problem cause i'll be wonder woman for a halloween party aka i'll be fucked up & try & jump off of shit thinking i can fly
Well, I woke up on a roll-away, with a knot in the back of my head and penis confetti stuck to me. Also, I apparently literally gave the shirt off my back right before I passed out, so I was topless. Vegas won this trip.
On the bright side, only one more day until we aren't sober anymore.
I just wanna inform you guys that the first pregnancy scare of 2016 is over...
We were 69ing, but at an angle so we could both still watch Wall-E
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