I just woke up in the coolest sweatsuit i have ever seen..it has cory's name on the tag...do we know a cory?
I went to the gynecologist and they said, "you're the most fun person we've ever had," and i thought, "that's exactly why i'm here!"
i think i would be more confident if i were chinese.
I'm at McDonalds and when I walked up to the register the guy said "I'm so sorry." Before I said a word. That's how bad my hangover is.
In Berlin they just cured HIV with stem cells. I am hereby fucking anything that moves.
I think I have internal bruising from those poses we were doing last night. My own ribs hurt me. I don't understand.
according to the random from alabama i slept with last night i kept saying "poor lil tink tink" over and over in my sleep
I've liked him since I puked on him on my birthday so I want it to be special.
You have like just as much sex as me and I have a brand new bf. That does not add up. That is not right.
You threw a shot glass at the bartender and still managed to convince him to let us drink more. You are my hero.
A gay guy went down on me in the club bathroom and then fixed my makeup for me
its gonna be a great night
I threw up in a flower pot outside the bar last night and have a date tonight....I think I missed something
doing the walk of shame back to your house in nothing but a bed sheet was definitely not one of my proudest moments..
I couldn't really understand you because you were really quiet and I said "I don't know what you're saying, it's kind of a big mumble" and you said "that sums up my life"
i couldn't be more explicit if i hit him upside the head with a dildo
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