Soooo billy mays was on coke. I'm about as shocked as I was when Clay Aiken came out
I need to stop drinking. Side note- we have a party bus tonight. So the drinking will have to end after that
I mean, how many people can say they helped surgically remove something from their body? Other than the guy that got his hand stuck under a rock and cut it off. Doesn't count
I was in my bathroom taking a shit and my mom just opened the door, walked in, handed me a fudgesicle, and left without saying a word. Yeah. That just happened.
Currently trying to figure out if the guy has a cane next to me or brought a weird dildo to the bar
Dude, it could be so much worse. That Dale kid lost a toe I think.
Im organizing a group to help fondle my shoe. Too many shots dude. Too many.
Talking to her is like watching "Bad Life Choices: The Movie"
It all started because he put my damn phone in his pants. By his crotch nonetheless.
I ate breakfast with him. And by ate breakfast I mean we fucked on the kitchen table.
we need to find a way to be drinking champagne 24/7
I don't remember much, but I remember he called me the dick whisperer, so it must not have been all bad.
Jesus fuck that was emotional whiplash
Omfg 7 hour sex session who am I?
PS: I think I'm in love
Ability to walk tomorrow tbd
If there's someone that knows accidental pantlessness, it's Mike.
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