It smells like Drakkar Noir and desperation out here.
That's why you should quit smoking.
My recently uploaded pictures to facebook: Me partying on Beale St. with a single girl on each arm. Ex's recently upload pictures: Several pictures of cats. I win.
Just paid for that girls abortion on my dad's black card. I feel like P-Diddy.
omg theres cum all over the american flag and now its up in front of his house.
You said that you were drinking out of a pan, and then went on to apologise to 'Jesus and all the other guys' for drinking on a Sunday.
Come to wine Wednesday bro. We have a fog machine
It's awesome, he has so much more free time now that he's not screwing other girls behind my back
Did your surprise acid trip turn out well?
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
all night she kept rolling over and mumbling something about wanting an extendable retractable urethra.
I'm not sure why, but my salad smells like a Big Mac. Or maybe that's just the smell of yesterday's, seeping through my skin.
They don't have a Valentines Day card for the married guy I'm sleeping with. It can't use the words, love, soulmate, you're the only one for me...and obviously it can't be anything related to spending the day together because that's not happening.
Mom is so high she had to turn off the ceiling fan because it was going too fast and it freaked her out.
Also, two points for knowing me well enough to know I definitely would put the moves on his brother.
I couldnt sleep the entire night because her cats kept reaching under the door like they were trying to eat me for taking their place on her bed.
I always knew youd fuck a cat lady
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