Hurry. And bring back up. SHE WON'T STOP TALKING.
don't thank me. stop putting your penis in foreign objects.
told my boyfriend i was a virgin so he wouldnt feel bad since he is. now hes asking why his dick is so itchy. should i tell him why?
i don't see why you should, it's not like you told the other guys with the itchy dicks.
she is the kim kardashian of front butts
he just tried to convince me that tylenol is a gateway drug
Don't EVER smell your tampon
did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
did she really put a helmet on, try to make a hole in the wall then pass out on the floor ten minutes later? if thats true ill be there in 15
I think I want to impress his gay best friend more than him..
Ummm, my mojito just spilled on 2 essays as I'm grading. Who says high schoolers have all the fun?
Omg. I'm making you a chocolate and "herb" birthday cake and using joints for candles. I'm gunna need moms help with this!
I know, it's just the worst. Also, security almost took the burrito I brought for lunch. I thought I was going to have to pull a Liz Lemon and eat the whole thing before I could go through.
if it wasn’t 100% before, it is now that i will most definitely die a quesadilla related death
Hey Girl, we got home safe!
I know, I drove you
she bought my drinks all night, made me breakfast in the morning, and let me use her expensive hair products before i left. best one night stand ever.
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