If I ever start a band I'm gonna name it "Nancy Reagan's Vagina"
i'm stoned. there's a jazz trio playing outside across the street...scared that mike myers will appear & start yelling 'woman...WHOA MAN. WHOOOA MAN.' i'm snapping my fingers.
she was so ugly that the sight of her made me shiver and then i had to play it off like a draft blew by that only i felt.
he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
God is so good, I would give him a blow job right now.
mom just told me i had to find a fake by next wednesday.
We lit firecrackers from NYE in the fireplace and he was so passed out that he slept through it.
I'm sorry the first time we hungout you had to witness me throw up in the ocean then army crawl to shore.
I pissed myself at the bar so I threw away my wet underwear and kept partying... you act you've never done that before
Jazzercise themed birthday pub crawl. 6 bars in 6 hours.everyone was a hot mess.
I tell myself every day I shouldn't be friends with you
he just sat there, in the doorway of my dorm room, chuggin a fifth like nobodys buisness.. don't know whether to fuck him or be afraid of his confidence
I'm just going to ride dicks all the way to the to the gates of hell
I ate so much cake that I can't even enjoy a blowjob
That's the most first world problem I've ever heard in my life.
grapes are the best munchies food ever cuz like the juice explodes in my mouth and my mouth gets all relieved of dryness. and the skin of the grape is like the food. and theres so many grapes!
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