Don't bone anyone, just think of ur vibrator lol
HHaaaaaaaaa mmmmn vibrator
somebody snuck up and got me drunk
why do married chicks ALWAYS cry after?
True life I used my fake as a photo id for my final. My professor told me good luck and laughed. Hope the bouncers are in the St. Patrick's day spirit.
Thanks for FaceTime'ing with that ugly chick last night while me and her friend were in the other room. it's good to know I can still count on my wingman even when we're 2000 miles apart
Maybe the downfall to liking really smart guys is that they're to smart to think about sex all the time.
I just got my hands on some dry ice. How do you feel about coming home to a mystical wizard toilet?
I'm glad that even though we are states apart our whorish hearts beat as one
I am on top of a rooftop peeing on your freedom
Not to mention I think lunch is a little inappropriate when our relationship is only based on Mario kart and alcohol so far...
I just got called the stable friend. This makes me super uncomfortable
Our friendship just got weirder. He snapchated me the porn he was watching.
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
I’m tired of his bullshit and premature ejaculation. I’m going to hotel bars and finding a guy who is DTF
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