apparently i started the naked brigade. and depantsed everyone who wasn't naked. her parents must hate me.
its like the voldemort of pregnancies, we don't talk about it
I fucked her to her "thinking of him" playlist. Sucks to be that guy haha
You were chewing up hot dogs and spitting them out
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
You'd be proud of me. They tried to give me bread to sober up, but I told them no, im on a diet.
I'm making you a bingo card for hookups of the school year 2011-12 so you can make even worse life decisions next year
No she had like 2 shots and started ironing her clothes and whispering random shit in my ear
Did you Fuck minivan and her friend last night?
Dude, my ex girlfriend showed up, bought me a tequila shot, made out with me and then disappeared into the night. Then her current girlfriend saw, so she came over and slapped me and then I made out with her too
This was before halftime
I RUINED A LESBIAN RELATIONSHIP BEFORE HALFTIME
I wonder if go pro can customize a cock ring so I don't have to hold the camera anymore
Okay, I just reached peak living alone
I ate a piece of chocolate cake while jerking off
handcuff keys just fell out of my bra....wtf happened last night?
OMG OMG OMG Ive hit the penis jackpot
It seriously took everything in my power not to sleep with him
What did it come out and serenade you? Lol
It sang to me in the dark. It was magical
Went to waffle house after dropping my sister off at school and got into a heated argument with a drunk/hungover philosophy professor I will not name. I won the argument.
Randomize
