we have pet lesbian snakes
She rubs her butt on the bed & then she growls..
Be careful down there, Shane may have pooped on the carpet.
Honestly, where the fuck is osama bin laden?
high in an attic. pig roast in 10.
I just remembered I opened the taxi door when I was at a red light last night and puked. And then when I was done I closed the door and told him he may proceed with caution.
No worries. It'll grow back. I mean, hey, my eyebrows grew back after he shaved them off. So it's all good.
I'm just over here all sober hanging with two high people talking about how they're "free-spirited stallions."
IT IS CHRISTMAS EVE AND I AM SUPPOSED TO BE HAVING SEX WITH AN ATTRACTIVE BLACK MAN IN THE NEXT FEW DAYS AND I JUST GOT MY PERIOD. WHEN PEOPLE ASK ME WHY I DON'T BELIEVE IN GOD I WILL TELL THEM OF THIS DAY.
We watched game of thrones, broke up and I drove away blasting ridin solo while he dougied
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a Chick-Fil-A breakfast sandwich. How's your Monday?
Did I tell you about my dream that I got handed a $100 and my vagina dissolved it? I think it wants me to not be a whore anymore.
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
Instead of texting me to come over, she just sends me a batman symbol.
I don't care if she's a booty call. Marry her.
I mean, I was going to use them for a beading project, but I guess I could take one and let you bat my dick around like a cat toy.
Randomize
