Tell me why Im cashing out of Walmart with Smirnoff and catfood
He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
hungover + watching bobsledding = i just puked
I just smoked my last bit of kief with a grill lighter. This is what crackheads must feel like.
Trying to low-key throw up in the ocean is harder than it seems.
I didn't think about how painful the pumpkin seeds coming up the next morning would be. Oh well, I'm good at making pumpkin seeds and that's all that matters.
Have you resumed life with the rest of the world yet or are you still huddled in the fetal position while wearing compression gear?
It's official. This guy and I are going gay for each other. We're tasting the fucking rainbow.
Sometimes i like to think we arent living together next year and that im living with models that like to experiment but you ruin that fantasy time and time again
I just finished a four mile round trip walk to CVS to buy shaving cream and lube. You're welcome.
everything in the house taste like gin even the water, friday nite was a success
When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
Things are coming back to me in chunks. I vaguely remember signing a shirt that said 'I enjoy vagina'
I AM SO PROUD OF YOU
VAL. THIS MOTHERFUCKER IS LAYING IN MY BED WEARING A CAT SHIRT, VAL. COME SAVE ME, VAL.
I think you'll appreciate my way of waking up today: Under my cubicle, boxed in by boxes of printer paper, and hung over. I don't even know how the fuck I got in here in the middle of the night. I went to my car and fell back asleep. I'm now 2 1/2 hours late.
Randomize
