I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
people are starting to question the shark bite story
Can we fast forward to the part where we get gyros
Nope. Can't afford girlfriends. Still looking for the 25 year old bisexual tripled who owns a brewery or a casino.. the search continues....
I'm sorry. I think I have multiple personalities. Or it was the acid. Either way. I'm sorry.
Since you haven't talked to me since the rancid whipped cream fiasco, I'm going to assume we are no longer hooking up. But I need my handcuffs back. ASAP.
i'm about to say screw it and get drunk in the hotel by myself
It's 2 pm, at least sit by the pool...
She is ok w me having sex for money. Just gotta find rich grandmas.
Is it bad that i wanna bang this girl ONLY because she looks like my cousin?
Only he would come to a strip club and talk about an internship with Walt Disney during a lap dance.
I just explained my sex life to the "if you give a moose a muffin" book... Is that weird?
Bro you fell face first into the sand and then balled up into the fetal position and yelled help untill I picked you up, no more whiskey for you...
I smoked a joint in the bathtub at 8 am then went back to bed
I'm currently hiding from this horrific thing that we call adulthood. If anyone needs me, I'll be smoking a bowl in the bouncy house.
the fact that your 21st birthday is also new years eve is pretty much a death sentence
Randomize
