so he reminded me it was our 9 month anniversary and then said "we could've had a baby by now"
I was trying not to text you this weekend, so I deleted your number when I was sober. Then auto restore at midnight. It was like drunk magic
I just want you to know if you wake up tomorrow morning and wreak of mustard, I was not involved.
I tried. Now my legs are bleeding and I cracked my head on the coffee table. Never taking your advice again.
I just used my glow stick from the dance to find my way in the bathroom to puke. Who wants me on their corporate team
Better than road-head. Just got model-home-head. Also got a disapproving scowl of judgment from the realtor on the way out.
the evidence from last night is not good...
what evidence?
my underwear is on inside out, and there are french fries in my hair...
We will. we just need a little inspiration.... in smoke form.
You made out with two different species that night
For the record you were pretending you were in a rocket when you drove from wawa to your house. So like 2 minutes of me listening to you making rocket sounds over the phone lmfao
what i'd really like is a nice helping of naked boyfriend with a side of naked boyfriend.
My Sexting was not on an AP level
We're at an agreement where I don't pry and she pretends blissful ignorance
My mom has tinder, she is 45 and has her age setting at 18-29. And she still gets more matches than me
i am also 80% sure that my shirt glows in the dark.
Randomize
