Sweetheart, you've always been a horrid bitch...
The world needs more lipstick lesbians, if anything.
News update: stealing a playground is harder than it looks.
Just drove past a church with a sign near it that said, "God wants to be your daddy."
I'm stoned and have been watching so many cartoons that I changed the channel and real people were on, and it scared me
yeah i fucked her in the storage room on the inflatable mattress. i don't know if i should feel proud for me or bad for her.
i pretended i was deaf and got a girl to come home with me
Just shook hands with the bud light truck driver, thanked him for his service to our country
Listen to me plotting my whoredom.
I've come to the conclusion that Jesus and 2013 are haters.
just found out I was hugging strangers at the bar last night. there's photographic evidence. I know none of them
Let's stay in this weekend and play drinking games to the Winter Olympics.
As long as we can drink anytime we see a stray dog, mafia looking Russian or double toilet.
I'm up in my room and I just saw a naked guy sprint out into the streets from my mom's party downstairs
I just saw your brother in some random persons yard climbing a tree. Just saying.
Probably on drugs.
her and her boyfriend kept giving me coke ad kissing me talking about my awesome boobs
Randomize
