He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
I think dad's getting high again. His last google search was "awesome ping pong shit."
We had sex in his tahoe, talked about how we don't love each other and then high fived twice. Best Day Ever
I met him yesterday and now he's wanting to hold hands and kiss in public. i hate this
His bond is $50,000..margarita Monday might get cancelled
Showerbowl immediately followed by pullups naked. I feel like fucking Tarzan
I'm praying that the company stray cat shows up tomorrow. I think I may have hit it while leaving Friday. Nobody will believe it was an accident after I hit the last one.
Hey remember that spam cooked in dr pepper we made? 10x better when the dr pepper is rum
I WILL PAPERCUT YOUR URETHRA YOU DO NOT STEAL A MANS SECOND BIG MAC
Security deposit gone.
burned down garage with fireworks.
You got Broadway Drunk, dude. I haven't heard you sing "Music Of The Night" like that since the last time I was holding you up on the way to the subway at two in the morning.
when I called the strip club they said there was a note with my credit card. "girl who punched guy in throat" fuck daytona
I got so drunk that I peed my bed...and all over him. The ironic thing is that he slept in his swimming trunks.
I'd date him. I'd date the fucking shit out of him.
help. there is a guy in a bunny costume.
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