so that girl updated her facebook status as "had the worst night ever last night"
um, i could be wrong but i think it might've had something to do with mark drunkenly screaming about her unibrow right in front of her
He lets me throw up in him even if i do it mistakeily- erica talking about the toilet
just heard a swedish guy suck in helium and speak in his accent. top 5 favorite moments. ever.
Its official. I've reentered slutty territory. I was a condom away from having sex in a childs playhouse at a park. Oh and I lost my car keys.
The AC broke so he ended up sleeping in the front yard and left his one night stand on the couch.
I have discovered that there is nothing that a giant penis attached to a southern accent can't talk me into. yee-haw!
So would it be tacky to offer my services as a future attorney as an engagement gift for her?
I passed out in all my clothes. like my purse too..and with a cup of water next to me..and my last tweet last night was "Bye."
I may or may not be wearing slippers and a TMNT hat. This thing better not have a dress code.
New reason to drink: alcohol makes soda taste like goddamn gold.
Nothing shouts "I'm single" like a thousand needlepoint pillows.
He fell asleep cradling my ass and every time I moved he adjusted his hand accordingly. I've found the one.
Blizzard, Hour 9: I'm 7 beers deep and have finished Ninja Turtles. I am listening to the NYPD and Nassau Fire Dept pipes and drums and writing new drum scores in my head, which I may or may not remember tomorrow
I shaved my entire vagina for a man who had the personality of a potato and a C- orgasm. Life is a series of disappointments.
Fucking suck it up and drink your feelings like a normal human being.
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