why is there a sandwich nailed to the wall
dude,it's memorial day.not getting wasted=you're a terrorist
well seeing as i got a call at 5 am from the hotel manager telling me my cousin was passed out on the lobby floor...not good
Imagine a baby lion feeding on an injured gazelle and it tasting fresh blood for the first time. That's me and this breakfast sammich
They have an open bar at this baby shower. I was born to be Cuban.
Using a Nedi Pot after doing lines... at least I'm a health conscious drug user?
He's practically not my boyfriend anymore. So let's go get some glitter, balloons, alcohol and forget this night ever happened.
I woke up this morning with a tampon in my nose and food EVERYWHERE...
he couldn't get a boner so he asked me to sing you shook me all night long to his penis. I think it was weirder that it actually worked
You can't talk like Dr. Evil to me five minutes after the greatest orgasm of my life.
If it makes you feel any better they literally are drinking alcohol out of a toilet. They are serving drinks out of a nasty ass toilet...!
To be honest. I have two poptarts in my jacket pockets. No one knows. I am pro stealth.
I'm trying to watch Chicago PD and tell you I like your dick at the same time. It's a lot of work, ok?
is it bad that I see hot guys I wanna sleep with as challenges instead of actual people?
yes. but it works for you
You cannot steal the fun of my nakedness. You do not own my nakedness. My nakedness is my sole property and I share that fun with whom I choose.
Randomize
