youre lurking in front of me
if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
so i texed my mom when i was trashed last night and said "i know its 3 am, just go to bed and i'll be back by the time we leave for the airport"
she was puking into the toilet drowning herself saying "its okay im a swimmer"
Just found out you can rent the rollerena for 100 bucks and you can bring your own beer... when are you free this week?
Haha im about to meet my shrink &i have so much shit to tell him i made an outline
Just a heads up. Everytime I get arrested in Maine I claim I lost my ID and use your name.
I don't even want to talk about it, I'm traumatized. Even the dog knew to take advantage of the most intoxicated girl at the party...
I have a callous on the palm of my hand just below my ring finger that is entirely from opening so many beer bottles. I'm strangely proud right now.
We were on the ground in Tampa for 55 hours and we drank for 30 of them.
We won Spring Training 2013.
He shattered his pelvis base jumping so his dicks out of commission for 4 months. Your up, second string.
I need to keep a secret stash of instant alcoholic margaritas for when i deal with people. For example, right now, im grading, and I just don't fucking care any more. My students should make a thank you card for Jose Cuervo.
right now I need to figure out a smart way to get an accurate picture of his dick so I know what in dealing with, right now in flying blind.
Yeah we were on bar number 7 on our bike trail and you decided to steal my bike and we found you 20 minutes later eating Cheetos in the shallow end of your parents pool
have no fear, swaggie olivia is here to bring glorious gifts and horse dick to children
Randomize
