So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
then for some reason i googled "how much to buy a cannon"
I asked him where the store BJ's was and he unzipped his pants.
We just got really drunk and bought toilet paper. Successful Monday.
You need to take one for the team and go bang a random sample of mexicans. Cause my internets broke and I can't google mexican foreskin stats.
All i remember is people cheering me on to drink faster than the dog, out of the dog's bowl. I just couldn't stop.
Why isn't there a sort by hair color option on Facebook? It would make stalking much easier.
we started the countdown to drunken sledding this weekend.
I had to show the prof your text saying that I could pick up your midterm for you. I covered the part of the screen saying you weren't there because you were about to have morning choke sex.
I don't know how we managed to stay up but we actually sat in front of her open refrigerator for god knows how long while she ate salami straight out of the package with her fingers and I laughed. It was a trainwreck.
Are you alive?
I woke up under the pier.
and the oscar for 'most creative swearing' goes to you for 'jesus's bloody fucksticks'
The morning after your company Xmas party and that moment you're eating a block of cheese in bed wearing a sequin blazer and recalling all the details of your one night stand with a coworker who happened to start that day...fuck.
Breaking news: when you're gone every towel is a dick towel
It was the scariest thing ever having a flame that close to my balls...
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