I just remembered that last night when we tried to walk off the spins you said "pretend i'm your pet dinosaur" so i walked you around on an invisible leash while you made t-rex hissing noises.
its like he missed a chap in the "being a guy" handbook and read the bible instead
the last time i saw him was an hour he was floating face down in a pool... but i'm sure he's fine.
I showed that dick picture that your date texted you to everyone because you passed out and left your phone unattended. Your fault. Plus his cock was big so his fault too.
well in DOG beers, i've only had one
never underestimate the power of walking into a bar alone in uv cat makeup.. took home a seven foot man
He's upstairs shouting 'FUCK OFF I'M IN MY MOTHERFUCKING ZEN ZONE' out of the window.
What do you want to swallow. Press 1 whiskey press 2 rum
I'm high and I have a consensual booty call on the way and just thought that it was a good time to let you know that I think that you are a stellar person.
I wonder how he feels knowing that he's the one who turned me gay
well apparently i was just calling everyone cunts. then i awoke from my blackout to 3 very mad roommates who didn't bring a key out with them
I left when you were using your mug to lay on the street and ask for spare change
I still have the video of you three making soup in my kitchen and asking random people for permission DURING the party, not after like usually
Don't remember, didn't happen
I HAVE THE VIDEO YOU DICK IT HAPPENED
Jesus fuck. I just hit on him in front of the whole fire department. They hit the sirens and told us to get a room. FML. I can never go back to that fire station again...
I just want to get high and watch Dr. Pimple Popper.
Randomize
