I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
She went to the bathroom before i broke up with her so i changed all 2500 of her songs on her computer to "I'm a cheating whore"
STOP CALLING ME LADY CHLAMYDIA
Man, I must say, having known you since preschool, Eiffel-Tower-ing her would've fully completed our journey to brotherhood.
Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
raced the clock twice to day to see if i could get off before my computer died and before i left for my noon bar crawl... win, win
lets go back to having secrets in our friendship
I can't wait for you to see these terrible photos I'm about to have taken with some stripper looking girls. I don't know what this photographer is thinking
Haha he was not a poor little guy. If he'd talked to me or something I might feel bad. But since I saw him groping other girls as well as myself there's no sympathy coming from me
He's just picking out the right girl. I do the same thing with fruit. Grope them, squeeze them, smell them. I have to know I'm getting quality fruit.
When we tried to make a video I set the camera to 3sec pictures accidentally so instead of a movie we have a flipbook of our sex.
I just realized that every possible way I walk to campus I walk by the house of someone I slept with
Bacardi 151 is like a past nightmare I'm still curious about
I came so hard I went blind for a few seconds.
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
So unofficially, he told me he deleted tinder because of me. I think that's a pretty romantic gesture in 2018.
Randomize
