Why the fuck do they always fuck on couches in porn?
Don't ever text me while you're jacking off. EVER.
I swear god or herbie drove my car home
you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
I always give him head in random places, it's a guessing game for his cock.
He said i looked like a shooting star sprawled out on the floor while i puked and i kept blaming "senor cuervo" for doing me dirty.
I woke up using a pile of socks as a pillow. I think theyre clean so thats a plus.
Dude he was freaking out because he thought he was walking on crates, and he just kept saying help me
Nothing like having your house arrest ankle bracelet vibrate and take a moisture sample at the exact moment you're about to blow it in some chick...buzzkill
I think I just legit sprained my wrist from holding myself up while giving a blow J. God dammit come already
Turns out that Irishman put my panties under his pillow afterward. Thanks?
This weekend I turned down sex to watch the Star Wars marathon... Is this growing up?
I believe the only reason I am slightly functional right now is the leftover drugs in my nose that I keep sniffing
I just remembered that I insisted everyone watch porn together last night.
So she was amazing, that's what. Idk if it was the blow or the blowjob, but both my heads are still tingling.
There’s a stripper dressed like a slutty pilgrim. Is that a thing?
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