I thidmdmk you'gre a special person
i asked him to tell me something nice and he said "your vagina is really tight."
we have to go try and show our tits so we can get ID-free drinks at applebees
it was average length and chubby
so kinda like him?
now i'm wondering if all guys are shaped like their penis...
i just ate a whole pizza and threw it back up in the time span of 13 minutes. give me the number to guiness book of world records.
marshmallow pipe was a success. so was melon pipe. come try it
Highlight of the week: I had sex with a B movie star wearing an eye patch.
Just burnt my nuts with a cigarette. Don't ask. I hate life.
On a side note...my DUI lawyer just snapchatted me. This is the exact moment in time when I realized my like IS a joke.
I don't care how hot she is, her cat has pissed on me twice.
IS NO AN EMOTION BECAUSE THAT'S WHAT I'M FEELING RIGHT NOW
I should not be able to sum up my life with a taco brand motto...
I just talked with someone about real estate trends in Atlanta then got three blowjobs in a row. Boom.
Long story short I ended up getting choked out by a really hot guy in the girls bathroom at a bar last night
I know you would never do it--but if I ever walk into your house and find a "live love laugh" ANYTHING, I will commit you to an asylum. If it is a vinyl decal adhered to the wall, I will just smother you myself.
Randomize
