now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
I saw those LARP guys in the street again. One is hot, the other looks like Corey Fieldman's retarded son.
I was talking to this girl who was in love with the air force. I was doing decently until I mentioned that the navy actually has more planes. Cockblocked by my knowledge of random trivia again.
no seriously, she's legit pissed i'm late to lunch because i was watching full house. there's obviously no future here.
she fell through a window trying to flash someone
A beer fell out of the case, hit the ground and started spraying. He's a pro. He grabbed it and shotgunned it while still holding the case.
Last night was the first night with all of the roommates, and what started as a calm night of light drinking got out of hand. There's a girl on my couch wearing only a fanny pack.
And the horses in Central Park have blankets. And Rafiki just told me "it is time" in the back of our cab.
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
I just accepted my offer to work as a camp counselor over the phone between shots of Fireball. This is going well for me so far.
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
Don't read too much into what I just sent. I love you, always have, but I'm drunk and sorry for the confusion.
Which part? The boyfriend or the sex?
Boyfriend. SEX IS ON!!!
Randomize
