but the lizard people decide everything anyway
It's finally official that I am from Oklahoma. I'm currently sleeping with my ex-fling's brother.
I'm not trying to go crazy tonight either. I just want to go out, have a few drinks, meet up with my ex-boyfriend and get fingered or something.
i just remembered i chipped my tooth last night when i pulled up your pants zipper with my teeth
I was more concerned about the amount of mcdonalds fries on the floor around me than i was with my lack of clothes.
I love you. I'm too high for this. Find a way. Make it happen. Live strong.
It's like a puppy that we have to take care of at all times or else she'll get sad, lonely, and chew on the furniture. And by 'chew on the furniture', I mean have anonymous sex.
I just banged your sister. Thats what you get for takibg my lunch money in 2 grade, boom, boom fiyyaa powaa
Do you think if you have sex with a girl twin, her twin brother feels it to? Woke up at her house and they both have a look of disappointment on their faces.
Wrote my name backwards on the test and asked for extra credit points. Late start booze days are my new favorite thing.
Life seems so much brighter and more vibrant after you have sex with a 20 year old. It's like how Kansas was in black and white and Oz was in technicolor.
God I need to stop before there's a picture of my dick on my mom's phone.
I woke up with Pop Rocks stuck to my ass
FUCK YOU AND YOUR WEAK ASS EYEBROWS
there is something very satisfying about getting tacos after hours of sex.
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