she offered me iced tea and went to go change.then her dad came in the door.i thought i was on how to catch a predator.
What kind of poor, pathetic town do we live in where a horny teenage girl is sitting in her basement on a saturday night, unlaid?
Ive either hit rock bottom or become my own hero.
You were playing beer pong by yourself. Finally someone took the ball and threw it into the bonfire. You sat by it, cried, and contemplated how to get it out. For 45 minutes.
Dude apparently i ran into the middle of a half marathon last night and some how won
Ya know, sometimes when he kisses me in public I want to scream "HE DRIVES A PORSCHE!" so people watching understand that I don't have low standards, I'm just very materialistic.
she wanted to watch hairspray while we fucked. she's obviously your kinda girl, dude.
just passed out again, this time at a subway. On a positive not they gave me a free sandwich, pretty sure out pity but at this point i don't care
i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you
You told me to pour the Gatorade on you "like Flashdance"
I didn't mind you coming over, just I'm quite sure most booty calls don't involve a scavenger hunt...
The fact that you walked around talking like Barbie and still got laid amazes me.
ok so i got home drunk and was cleaning my kitchen and i was shaking out the throw rug and dropped it out the window, i'm sorry
I responded with revoking his blow job privileges. Needless to say, he's learned his lesson.
Mmm vodka always tastes better when i know i have work at 8am
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