my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
I'm going to jail i love you
This is the first month I have not taken plan B to get my period in over a year
And somehow that makes me sad knowing I haven't had raunchy unprotected sex in a month
well it doesn't count as a walk of shame if he drops you off at your class in his golf cart
when she said she's going upstairs to put her "play clothes" on, I knew either she was a pervert or a kindergarten teacher. Either way, I wasn't going to leave. She's a pervert by the way.
Just got cockblocked by coyotes. This would happen to me.
Rubbed one out while on hold to buy tickets to Disneyland. Feel simultaneously like a freak and strangely productive.
My little brother just suggested we drink the rest of the vodka because it's raining. My job is complete.
I have acquired 14 pictures of hard dicks tonight... I was on a mission. Don't even pretend you aren't proud.
Tell them to carpool to pride, have a 3way, and if one says 'no thanks' just tell em it's not gay if it happened in a 3way!
Driving, getting head and talking to your boss on the phone is not a good combination. I nearly died
I just my had my first cup of coffee in a week. I think I might orgasm.
Just seriously saw this chick say, watch this motherfuckers then did a 42 sec keg stand.
You at least asked for her number right?
you took my virginity. you can't have my alcohol too.
Why can't he see that I don't want a slow getting to know you period? I just want to bone. NOW.
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