Maybe if you date her you can take a dump on her
i had a dream that i had so much marijuana that i didn't know what to do with it. i woke up and cried.
I'm really sorry we tried to have sex on top of you last night.
found used condoms and an omlet in my uggs. I'm disgusted but not surprised.
I just realized that my phone was set to Brazilian time...what the fuck happened last night
P.S. The slutty NASCAR driver costume will be saved and used year round for role play.
Is adulthood just morning sex and then walking through the grocery store 20 min later looking for something to take to work for lunch?
...and then running into your dad at said grocery store...
Dude I'm riding a fucking tortoise this is awesome you should come with me more often
Pizza rolls are incredible. They are like sex, except I have them sometimes
no, you don't understand how much people deal here. All I had to say was "hey lets buy a bag" and he pulled over instantly, then the randoms in the car behind us pulled over and sold us a bag.
On the shuttle bus from the Casino the driver refused to take us to the strip club so you said "let me off this bus or ill puke on you".
She has that type of face she reminds me of that weird girl from napoleon dynamite only taller and with hoop earrings.
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
masturbating on the freeway is more stressful than it sounds
I'm texting you know although you won't get this until you wake up. the only reason you are strapped to your bed is because you were trying to fly out your window.
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