Actions speak louder than words. Her actions scream crazy.
my secret santa just gave me a pregency test
Before you become official, we should get a hotel room and fuck our brains out. Sort of like a going away party for your penis.
She said her hobbies include bangin guys on one night stands and then sending them facebook relationship requests the next morning just to freak em out
And leave it to John to ask the cabby to make a Porno in his cab
We still on for coffee?
Cream and sugar. Deliver to planned parenthood in 45.
I'm not trying to be dramatic but if someone makes you choose between getting a Brazilian or dying. For the sake of your sanity just fucking die
You are a booty call, not a friend.
Ill tap morse code on the ceiling when im ready for you to come down amd smoke
Your choices in alcohol this weekend are thoroughly disappointing
Fuck these bullshit days. My underwear are still inside out.
Sooo does anyone wanna tell me why I threw up a cigarette this morning?
OMG YOU DID TO?!
Had to clear my browser history. I figured if she used the search bar and her name came up, it might be a little creepy.
Topless, eating sour gummies, doing a crossword, at 4 AM. TELL ME IM BEAUTIFUL!
I was running because his wife invited me to join them on their kinky Vegas weekend. Crossing state lines is too much commitment for me.
Randomize
