i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
I think I just met the technical qualifications for binge drinking in five minutes
Dude, we somehow need to leave discretely with the toilet brush.
Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
My dick just stopped my iPhone from falling into the toilet.
Just don't eat pie out of the sink. It's a real blow to the self esteem.
I say we start a new tradition. I came up with it all by myself. It's called work out, lay out, black out
I AM NOT THE MAN IN THIS RELATIONSHIP.
It's shit like this that makes people think we're gay.
my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
Since when do you jog?
Since hot shirtless guy that lives across the street jogs
I made everyone scream the national anthem with me after playing true American last night. I'm pretty much their leader now.
We were wearing togas. So having sex was really easy to do without taking any clothes off.
I just used Bacardi to dry out poison ivy.
we panicked because we couldn't find you anywhere, but then we found you tripping in the bathtub with Marie's cat. there was no water. you thought there was water, though.
Haha! I swear, it's like I'm talking to Buddha with a slutty agenda. You are so full of wisdom.
Randomize
