Seriously. Destroy her vagina. Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee.
I haven't been this sober since birth.
I've walk of shamed through this apartment complex so many times, I think people think I live here.
my ex just saw me in his brothers bed. fuck yes revenge feels good
dude uncooked spaghetti noodles dipped in thousand island dressing is better than it sounds
Just puked up hair, tacos and vodka. Hello Memorial Day weekend.
before we even ate breakfast we'd found an eighth of weed in some old purse she never uses. it was gone by lunch
Parents said they were cutting off my AmEx card. So I immediately went up to the liquor store and purchased $550 of booze before it was canceled. I'm expecting your arrival in 30 minutes.
Can't keep a straight face around her after she asked me to "make fuck to her."
Bro my mom is in for two days and you can't even hold back on the drinking she said as she left i hope he doesn't always pee his pants and he is sure popular with the girls wtf
I'm getting a car wash man. I am go get a car wash high.
I put on pants and a bra for you and you never showed up. There is no forgiveness for that.
Whose dick am I looking at? There are too many possibilities at the moment.
Ive realized that in order for me to understand math, my professor has to be hot.
Apparent my drunk ass was so dedicated to taking a piss, when I walked across the dance floor to get to the bathroom a 9/10 broad tried to dance with me and I just pushed her aside, like hard enough to send her a few feet from where she was standing, pointed at her and said "Not now chief, gotta rock a mean one."
Randomize
