im like that movie w. ryan reynolds, no ones ever going to date me unless they're forced to marry me.
Is it sad that the only reason I haven't lapsed into depression is that I'm prettier than her?
Nah, we all need something.
So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
so... thinking about masturbating finally
taking the losers way out I see
Yeah I hope so. Definately just saw two freshmen in very authentic togas and cotton ball beards. This new class is stepping it up.
what part of 'taking a night off' includes MDMA in your world?
Lost my virginity in a banana suit. Glad I waited.
I never thought the first time a taser would be used on me would be at an applebees
So... I woke up on a bench with a honey bun on my chest.
The night was crazy enough that we did a workout. Instructed by the bouncer at 2am
I shouldn't have that kind of responsibility when the prospect of being high is readily available. All I could do was hula hoop and smoke cigarettes last night. My remembrance of anything important was out the window.
She said she was sorry for rolling around in her own vomit. Honestly, I thought it really added to the party.
Your cat ate my taco.
. . . I don't have a cat?
It was laying in your bed. Now it's hunting for more tacos.
I just hooked up with the German exchange student who doesn't speak English. And you said I have no talent.
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
Randomize