Okay I'm all about any plan that ends with "We're gonna get you drunk."
It's ok for me to have his baby but I can't be his friend on fb. Wth is wrong with this
Just write off about 10000+ brain cells and 6 months of your lifespan.
Sounds like a normal friday night
You were demanding water from a bottle but I didn't have one..so I just took the water bottle from the hamster cage. You're welcome.
Apparently my type is "guy whose parents had unprotected sex on Halloween". Last week was my ex's, my FWB's, and the guy I'm seeing's birthdays.
Some clips from last night: grinded like I haven't since college. Took shots with a bartender with a bad ass mustache. Made up a string of lies with fake names and occupations. Slept behind the couch with pizza in my hand
Slept with my first Irish dude before I even got off the plane. Dublin has no idea what I have in store for it.
I'm sorry about all of the innappropriate shoe throwing
When you're done railing that chick, there is still half a pizza and some ninja turtle mac and cheese down here if you want
I was on the verge of being completely over him and then he went and made his Instagram not private... ITS LIKE HE KNEW
I feel sorry for the person who's phone number is 704-1776 cause from now on I'm giving that number to every guy I never wanna talk to again. Happy Independence Day
How was your night?
I spent a lot of money and drank a lot of booze. Also was part of a successful search party
She was going down on me before I had a chance to tell her I arrested her brother 3 hours earlier
Mom got drunk as hell, crashed Dad's wedding and some how left with the best man. This is why you should be glad you aren't my sibling.
i'm not sure what you are doing right now, but i know that i don't like it. whatever you are doing. just stop. come here so we can fuck
Randomize
