You should see what I'm doing to your stuffed animals
Twist it, pull it, flick it... Bop it was like the first time I touched myself.
I just saw a dog and thought "Hey! A goat!" Then realized it was a dog. Now I'm sad.
just passed a tour group on my way home. the guide actually said: 'and THAT kids is whats known as the walk of shame'
After I tried for five minutes to hang my beer from the coat hanger in the bathroom , I have realized I am drunk
you were the first one he came out to and you announced it as the finale while singing karaoke at the bar
I think I just need to sleep with both of them to see which I want to date.
You just went from promiscuous to slut in 3.2 seconds.
Girl next to me just ralphed in a bag. Congrats class of 2010
we agreed that it was acceptable to get the cat high as long as we gave her a lot of food.
I'll probably just lay on my couch bra-less sipping wine out of a straw so I don't have to lift my head.
Right, well, that begs the question of where did you get the whip, why are you using it, and why don't you carry one around more often?
You kept trying to make people drink "salsa-ritas." But all you did was dump tequila in a half full jar of salsa, and shove it in people's faces while shouting at them.
My card got declined when I tried to buy dippin dots at 2 am, the lady gave them to me for free because "I looked like I needed them."
Bitch I slept on the ground 2 nights running
I'm so sorry for trying to eat your puzzle last night...
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