She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.
What are you talking about? And how drunk are you?
Both
I don't know where your sunglasses are, I was too preoccupied with girls not old enough to drive past midnight.
i dont know what to do
with your life?
no, with my silly bandz, im already wearing 3
I just found a babydoll head in my sink where we ripped it off and did shots out of it.
All he wants to do is masturbate while I sit there with my big toe up his ass that is not even the worst part of it.
I'll have you know that I'm still picking duct tape residue off my wrist from sunday
Totally just drove past you riding your bike. I was like damn, that looks like a cute little hipster boy, and then I realized it was you and that I'd already banged you and it kinda made my day. I hope you're well. Come over soon?
You are a lesbian wizard with red hair. You are willow
I just remembered that we had an in-depth conversation about how it was too stressful to wear pants.
I sent him a cookie cake that said "Congratulations you're not a father"
Also what’s the official rule on washing one guy’s jizz off my back before I go out with another guy? That I should?
No no no, work drunk and day drunk are totally different. I got drunk with a client and made a huge sale at 1pm. You are still in your PJs and jacking off.
The internet was right. Snorting muscle relaxers is awful
I don't see why I have to pay for it.
your head went through the window, you're pretty much obligated to pay for it.
Randomize
