life is too short to starve
life is also too short to be fat
There is a mermaid on oprah and she looks nothin like ariel
you know it's the perfect hook up when you don't have any friends in common with his girlfriend on facebook.
He licked the chalk off his shirt, then spat the Mountain Dew from his mouth onto the shirt and sucked on it. And thats him sober.
He came for an unexpected visit and let's just say I shattered his illusion that girls don't watch porn
I still think the kiddie pool full of jello option is worth exploring. Just sayin'.
I am about to embark upon a south Boston wedding....
Hydrate.
I woke up with chocolate melted between my tits. I'd say that's a win for all parties involved.
I was just hotboxing under my sheets and I got lost on the way out.
It was so scary.
I cried at the bar for 30 minutes because I got my arm stuck in my sweater. I got free drinks for the rest of the night after the bartender helped me.
He started yelling "you tha man!" while I was reverse cowgirl
When you get this divorce finalized we're going to mid evil times AND pirate dining adventure. We're gonna find you a couple of real men and make them joust/swashbuckle for your affection. My treat.
Oh my god if I have to go on fetlife to find a guy who will fuck me right around here, I'm going to scream.
Please explain the hospital band on my wrist.
I blacked out after the piñata full of condoms
Randomize
