arkansas has a gas station called kum and go....story of my life
flash back: i gave smirnoff to a group of children at walmart
Just found a "how to get laid" book on the dresser and am now a victim of method number 16 corollary 7.
No one will ever love me with the amount of puke on my hand
You did a strip tease for the toilet.
A guy dressed like Jesus just gave me a mini keg. Prayers really do come true.
can i text him and be like "oh yeah, forgot i kinda made out with a girl this weekend. For future reference, does this count as cheating?" ?
During your work shift I was either: a) stoned. b) high. c)stoned. or d) high.
Weird come down, just saw a woman on the train go to grab something and realised she had terrifying hands. They literally filled me with dread. I don't think I'm ok.
Blood everywhere...karaoke was nice
i'm eating pizza lunchables and telling my boyfriend he can do better than me because i am a functional adult
I almost got an A in organic chem but started hallucinating during the final so I got a C
Did I seriously answer the door for a home delivery of weed from you and your boss while wearing last night's 80s rockstar face paint?
Sorry about the nipples in that snapchat. It was meant for the Australian.
Plus he probably didn't want to be at home, alone... Jacking off on the big screen without you there to lend a helping hand. I mean, let's be honest. It's not fun if it's not a little weird.
Randomize
