Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
I may or may not have screamed I'M ON A BOAT while having sex...on a boat. I think I was born to have sex with him.
So they call this "a walk of shame" but fuck that...this walk is fantastic. What kind of debbie downer came up with that name?
our drinking schedule never changed, we just drank at work.
just looked at his mug shot... not really my type
I have a sudden craving for National Treasure 2. THIS IS WHY DRUGS ARE AWESOME
It's not every day you get to see a girl fuck herself with a pickle.
The drunken tricycle race really added some class to the Tour de Franzia. Until everyone wiped out and started puking.
I feel like I need to get a restraining order against him but I'd probably be the one to break it.
My life is literally the worst. I was just laughing so hard at how hot they looked feeding each other the brownies and then I was like DON'T CRY
im pretty sure the interns at this hospital have gotten hotter
She broke up with me after I spent the whole day speaking in nothing but Marshawn Lynch quotes.
I think I might start referring to your vagina as a separate being now
Also my roomates are going to be gone till sunday. Make correct decision here
Quit calling your parents your roomates
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
Randomize