If you had to guess, would you say that as a species, midgets are more or less flammable than humans?
Less. Duh. They have less combustible mass.
Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
It was just a friend comforting a friend. Except his penis was inside of me.
I've decided I'm peeing in a solo cup then throwing it on his windshield. It's official. He called the cops 4 times in our first week at the house. He deserves it, right?
just start off by saying "hey, i cockblocked my friend last night and need to make it up to him, could you help?"
Getting up is taking longer than anticipated. Alcoholic fish bowls have made getting out of bed a multitstep process.
hungover and i feel like a burrito
like eating one or like you are one?
like i am one.
Just got a blowie during the Avengers. It's weird knowing that the high point of your life just happened.
Where are you? I hear fireworks and you've gone missing. I'm sure that is not coincidence.
I was just too high to be in rapids man. I just screamed for the entire time I was jostling about.
I just fully woke up, never smoking that much weed again. I had stress dreams about your house being surrounded by a lake and we kept losing our cars in it.
I believe you would have been proud of me last night.. I was chasin Fireball shots with Jack and Coke. Guess there's a reason they call me Whiskey Woman.
I swear to god....if you can give yourself a brazilian you can take a fucking bullet
I keep having dreams where I tie him up and eat cookies off of him while riding him. Wtf brain.
I was sitting down, taking a piss with a boner, her cat walked into the bathroom and walked up to my legs, I sneezed and pissed all over her cat through between the toilet seat and bowl, it ran off screeching. She thought I peed on her cat on purpose. Kicked me out
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