Just saw cops pull over the ice cream truck. What a dick
cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
Sometimes when I see a shoe on the side of the road, I get a little depressed that I've never partied that hard.
You might not want to come home tonight. Mom just found your vibrator and now she won't stop sobbing and holding a framed picture of you as a little kid.
Everything was yummy and fruit flavored and five alive and happymeas.
This family outing has commenced with me throwing up in an apple orchard
I just tinder matched with a blue angels pilot. I need to make out with him. For America.
May he have a McRib induced stroke and lose the feeling in his tastebuds.
I'm pretty sure "good advice you would give to a freshman for achieving success" isn't constituted by introducing them to your addy dealer...
it is my civic duty to ensure the success of our youth.
I'm gonna celebrate Valentines day by watching Bob Ross videos and tripping balls.
So, I actually said the words "but face tattoos are sexy"
I barfed on the cat last night. Just wanted to share.
DO NOT LET HIM TAKE CONTROL OVER YOUR BOWELS
All I fucking want right now is a cheeseburger the size of my face
Randomize
