Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
Imagine if sharks could walk on land...scary.
I'm not sure what happened last night, but I have someone stored in my phone as 'Aftershock'
I think i can make this amish girl legitimately hot.
I woke up to her staring at me in a corner moaning over and over again about how good the pie crust tasted
Ill trade u your bra for a run to the liquor store...
Your drinking has interfered with your drinking. I bet you could get a scholarship to a rehab. Thats pro-level
I'll keep you from getting pregnant and you keep my papers gramaticallly correct
This teachers last name is pfister and she did the fisting motion to help explain how to pronounce her name. This class might be good
Awareness is good for change and all, but ignorance is bliss. I like bliss.
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
not only did I call my ex crying but drunk me also deleted the phone log so I had no warning when I saw him in class
you know it was a good night when you wake up with a medal around your neck
I got some blow and a hand job from one of the strippers. So I guess I'm getting over the divorce.
I’m going to hump him until his teeth hurt and then I’m going to have my way with him
Randomize
