She acts like you when your on meds
She acts like batman?
U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
Harry Potter. Singing. Sobering up. In that order.
It's only 11:30 and she's already making friends with the homeless...
I have got to stop getting laid on my lunch breaks. I AM SO HUNGRY RIGHT NOW.
I just walked into my exam wearing a mans tshirt and Alex's size 13 crocs twenty min late carrying only a pencil and my heels...I'm not real
at some point i feel off my bar stool straight into the arms of a gay guy. just my luck.
Lack of response to this text gains you a half hour of freedom before I initiate operations to conclude you are not, in fact, comatose. You requested no mercy.
Lets just put it this way. Im meeting his nana after a mind blowing orgasm.
Why is everyone judging me for telling the cat a bedtime story?
In honor of the new administration, I'm going to make it my goal this weekend to get some lesbian action. Fuck Donald Trump and fuck Mike Pence. I'm going to be a spiteful gay.
How'd your date go last night?
Well I blacked out at 1:30 and woke up naked in not-my-date's bed with an uneaten Jimmy John's sandwich.
Wearing my one sleeve dress...thought you'd like to know I shaved ONE armpit lol
i'm sitting in my room 'bout to smoke a bowl. also, i found out that you don't need a permit to own a tiger in wisconsin, so we're buying one when we move in together.
Do not let Mike show you his naughty Santa Claus outfit. It's a super long beard and crotchless pants.
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