There is something just so refreshing and wonderful about an uninterrupted morning poop in the office.
How does one fall all the way up a flight of stairs? Its hard on me knowing that the survival of our species depends on me not reproducing.
Lame. Party is tapping out at 4am. Even chanting "USA" didn't rally them.
Pants-less sunday? Also I'm high and independence day is making me cry
im coming over
Annnnd I didn't even notice there is a guy dancing in a jock strap beside me. That explains girls smiling at me
Just consider it? What else do you have going on today that could be as awesome as a day full of lord of the rings and sex?
So he says to my dad "I'll pull out of your daughter but I'm not going to apologize". Yea, my night was fun.
I straight up told your dad I've slept with a majority of your family
Damn it. Can't order pizza. Can't do the hot tub. No one to invite over for loud, kinky sex. What's the point of being here alone?!
I'm sorry I tried to stab you. I just really wanted those mozerella sticks.
I already popped my bottle of Rose and took my boxers off. No can do muchacho
Hey, you should go to your facebook ASAP... i'm guessing you're wasted but you just uploaded a picture of someones dick...and everyones taking bets now if its Rick or Mikes..
we f'd six times
f'd?
its sunday, i cant say fucked
Last time i cooked this high i tried to makw bacon amd then burned myselfbon the grill, only to realize 25min latwr when the bacon wouldnt cook that the grill wasn't on. I IMAGINED the burn.
never have sex with a mint flavored condom on. my vagina is on fire.
Randomize
