I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
O no, u 2 are dating again?
No. I just masturbate furiously to his picture
his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
my dad told me i had to spend my money wisely..so i spent the money he gave me for a desk chair on weed. ill be so high i wont even notice its gone
I just got asked if I have a rule for sleeping with people. Like they have to buy me dinner first etc...
On that note, do I have a rule?
becoming an adult blows. i don't think its possible for me to wake up for anything that doesn't involve kegs and eggs or half naked bums passed out in our yard.
She's the barista slut.
One fish gets drugged and suddenly I'm labeled a bad pet owner. This is so unfair.
How hard to you think I will be judged if I order 8 giant pickles from Jimmy Johns right now?
After she asked if she could try to fit her toe ring around it, i decided to leave. Thats the life i live
Seriously, she had fingers that made me thank a god I don't even believe in that I'm gay.
Finals drinking + forgeting you had to take your ambien because you work at 6am mid paper= drunk logic which then entails going on a "detox" run. Puking your guts put in the field house bushes while some random guy says to you "its okay. We're marching on."
Dude, you got arrested and then texted 911 to tell them you'd been kidnapped with a screenshot of your current location.
Also food confession I ate an entire bag of starburst jelly beans today. and a plan B. All around think I hit all my nutrients
So. Much. Porn.
Randomize