I can't watch pbs sober anymore
Tip for today: never try to fart and swallow at the same time. You'll end up choking on whatever you are currently swallowing and shit yourself from the freakout of choking.
i wish i could "like" people's thoughts in real life like i can on facebook
you can....by speaking....
U shoulda just taken her to a stall and banged her and let me watch the game. Some friend u r.
I want an alcoholic time machine so we could skip to new years eve
All i remember was you crying naked on the bathroom floor because you were cold. I got you a blanket and you kept kicking it off and crying because you were still cold.
I'm going to die alone in my chair and get eaten by my cat. That kind of break up.
yeah the little voice in my head screaming YOU NEED TO GET LAID eventually grew legs and started kicking me so to avoid brain damage i had to fuck him
He came when Ron Burgundy started playing the jazz flute. How do you think it went?
You took my underwater blowjob virginity.
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
If if makes you feel any better, you're definitely the hottest guy I've ever friendzoned.
Keywords: shitstorm, police, jail.
Stop calling him just to say, "my vagina misses you."
Can you leave her a note saying "did you enjoy watching me fuck your roommate?"
I will.
Randomize
