there hasn't been a girl guy ratio this good since a guy jumped on one of the Titanic life rafts
my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
i don't have fun when you have fun. i have embarrassment, fear, and significantly less cash in my wallet.
you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
I have to verbally tell you. He looks good on paper...but he totally fails in person. Like communism.
he even offered to make my bed in the morning.
He kept yelling "osteoporosis" and threw milk at her because she broke her arm.
We lit firecrackers from NYE in the fireplace and he was so passed out that he slept through it.
I had a guy present me his prison release form this morning as id
To do list: put blue gatorade in a windex spray bottle. spray it into my mouth in public so people think i'm drinking windex.
Remind me in the future that chugging dog codeine is not the best idea.
last night i reached the point where my boob implants paid for themselves in free drinks. to celebrate lets go out and get more free drinks tonite.
How does one un superglue their foot to the floor
I had a dream last night that I met Diplo. Now I'm just sad
Better not shit yourself at the gym.
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