my room smells like sperm. sweet.
Its like the long john silvers of colleges, I wouldnt even go there to use the bathroom
how did the keg end up in the top bunk?
I love you more than champagne and correct grammar
She kept crying and asking why I couldn't look more like Dennis quaid.
don't mind me. just hanging out in this cool air conditioned Babies R Us until the liquor store next door opens.
This is Jewish guilt versus Irish Catholic guilt. We should tread carefully, or we could fuck up the space-time continuum or something.
I'm okay with that.
When you finally get laid, I shall make you a trophy out of dildos
Got back to find Sarah in her underwear eating peanut butter and watching Arrested Development with the thermostat at eighty.
I just got three pairs of underwear free and a bathing suit for $20 by modeling them and letting the salesman grope me a bit.
It's great being a young gay man in Chicago!
We can't go back there. Ever. No context required, just know it's true.
She looks like a hot George Washington...I'm going for it
Do you think you can chase a shot with chicken soup?
You woke up in between the boxspring and the matress in a random dorm room.
well we woke up in different beds than the ones we originally fell asleep in, you were butt naked, and your boyfriend was sleeping on a cot in the middle of the kitchen. that might be why he's mad.
Randomize
