dats a huuuuuge bitch!
who is this????
Our friend ended up naked, bleeding, requesting we throw a couch at him cause he was convinced he could block it
We did he did.
When I say naked, I mean penis exposed. Not in boxers
I'm eating all of the evidence.
When I saw him standing at full height, I realized exactly how much his body structure reminds me of his penis.
the Monday before Thanksgiving is not a Monday at all. Just Thursday in Monday suit.
She greeted me with a new giants jersey and an opening day blowjob. this is true love.
Is shaving my mustache contingent on you sleeping over tonight?
You force fed me chocolate chips and avocados for 3 hours and kept asking me about my trip to sweden when I was 4.
I'm going to call you, don't answer. Need to practice moaning to your answering machine again
did i just see you in the movie theater carrying a margarita into Frozen?
All the 6 year olds are jealous of my alcohol
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
who knew magic tricks and sex would actually go together?
I woke up with a shot glass nestled between my boobs like a baby bird.
However, pretty glad I spent the night puking on my car instead of fucking him. Then I'd REALLY be miserable.
He was all “please don’t bail because I’m missing work for this” last night
Honey no, I need dick. I’m not going to bail
Randomize
