Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
you're kinda like the weird girl from The Breakfast Club after the makeover. i mean you're pretty, but you're still weird as fuck
hammered. By myself. Accident. Faillll. Snowwwwwy
So it turns out my dad calls his penis "John" which means he either named me after his penis or his penis after me
The puppy is a lightweight. 3 beers and he's passed out on the floor already. I repeat, the puppy is a lightweight.
UPDATE: lighting the grill with Bacardi. Haven't slept. Forgot the hamburger buns. Almost out of our eighth handle.
Well, I plan on starting the night dressed as little red riding hood. Then I plan on finishing the night dressed as a shit show in a red cape.
Im blowing my nose and the only thing coming out is beer
I think I may have walked up to her while she was with her friends and asked for a "do over".
If it makes you feel any better about life I'm wearing yoga pants with granny panties and toms with socks cause fuck my life
There is a guy in class using a wine bottle as a water bottle. Welcome to the Faculty of Environment.
and then you called me a third time and yelled that you were stealing a puppy named Willow
I'm sitting on your porch drinking wine from the bottle. Just so your new neighbors know what kind of people are in the neighborhood
I'm just going to ride dicks all the way to the to the gates of hell
who gets drunk at chipotle by noon and then gets kicked out? this chick.
Randomize
