Define "chronic" masturbator.
just won the tropical speedo for $11. i didn't know they sold pussy magnets that cheap
What did you even date her?
because emotionally unstable girls are great in bed.
considering how much of last night I don't remember and the amount of ones laying on my desk right now, it's safe to say I'm concerned
I think all I remember saying is, "I love Chris Berman's voice" and then I passed out
And the best part is that she's coming home to find that I completely shaved her dog.
there is beer in every square inch of this apartment and he hasn't even lived in it for 24 hours. we're playing some game that involves slamming beer, beer pong and smacking people's cups out of their hands.
It's like the bermuda triangle of cat puke
Basically I don't wanna put on pants...but I'm stoked for drinking my face off tomorrow.
he forgot we were at my place and not his so he tried kicking me out of my own apartment by saying "so, you can go whenever you want...."
God, you're amazing. I just want to hang out with you in the nude and watch Monty Python movies whilst we quip about how comedians just aren't as funny anymore.
Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor.
The highlight of my night was when you proclaimed that the man standing next to you smelt like grape medicine...
He texted his hospitalized grandma while inside me, so really a perfect gentleman.
He stopped mid thrust ... To check snap chat .. From his roomie
Chasing shots with airborne.. Gonna get rid of my sickness and my soberness.
Randomize
