we ended up doing shots out of those medicine cups..swine flu finally did something good for me
Don't bite the hand that gives you multiple orgasms
Do you think most people who work at an airport Chili's can pin point where their lives went wrong?
you puked out of a dead sleep and didnt wake up
You looked cold, so i decided to make you a blanket out of sticky notes.
You want to move to a city because of their promotional beer pricing
So?
This is why you shouldn't make decisions
I just feel like a little gay dolphin in a massive sea
Hey, umm this is awkward but I want to apologize in case you find gum in your pubes. Not sure if I swallowed it or spit it out. It's all a blur.
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
it is a dangerous dangerous place where morals and dignity go to die and all your fantasies about men become reality.
You threw a shot glass at the bartender and still managed to convince him to let us drink more. You are my hero.
I consider any night I don't make out with someone a bad night. So I've been great.
I don't know why I do this to myself his dick is a constant source of disappointment.
I woke up to pizza pinned to my wall. So that's that.
This is the second time you've stolen a pet when you're drunk, given it back and cashed in on a reward...I think you have a problem
Gotta pay my student loans some way
Randomize
