Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
People with herpes should wear stickers.
he peed everywhere. it's like having a puppy.
I can't wait until next week, when I find out what drunk me added to the Netflix queue.
I really want to go out tonight but part of me wants to be able to honestly tell the judge tomorow that I didn't
I might not remember all of last night but I clearly remember the part where I humped the mailbox.
I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend
I'm only wearing socks and eating tuna, don't do this to me right now.
he fell asleep naked and all I'm doing is staring at his weird balls
And besides a nice relationship, I just really want to get laid damnit
Let's celebrate our country being screwed by screwing.
WELL I DIDNT KNOW IT WAS POSSIBLE TO COME SO HARD YOU HAVE AN ASTHMA ATTACK BUT HERE I AM
I need to go home for the safety of everyone in a 10 mile radius, especially me
we just got sex advice from a midget. You better fucking get here.
She's chasing the cat around the house hitting it with a cardboard sword yelling "there can be only one!"
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