i think the next time he gets me off i'm going to scream bangarang
ru fi oooo
I just realized that the music from spongebob is also used in real sex HBO.
Someone said we're out of ice. You collapsed on the spot and started sobbing, saying 'but where will all the polar bears live". That drunk.
I was going through my paperwork and I found the lifetime warranty card for my 14" dildo. I saved it. You know, just in case.
Apparently blazed enough to think that the sizzling meatballs in the pan were calling your name...Ssssteeeeeve
Why are all the dvds taped to the fish tank. Really.
He tells me he loves me and I say I just want him for sex, then he looks at me like I just said I hate puppies. What kind of guy is he?
Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs
I've counted 3,503 loops of fabric on my carpet so far. FUCK YOU ACID!!!
I tried to take home a cat on broadway last night. I named him Pinocchio and put my purse down on the sidewalk and tried to put it inside it
a guy offered me a piece of pizza if I'd make out with a random girl. We got the whole damn box and I ain't even mad
I feel as though I look like a mom with a substance abuse problem
Let us rub each other in fish scales and become mermaids
I'm 4,715,723% sure I don't give a fuck.
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
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