I only have two rules. But i've fotgotten those rules and replaced them w 2 other rules
Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
only you would photoshop your dick
Haha im Trying. This detox stuff tastes nasty. It's bad when the only thing that came to mind when i took the first sip was how good it would be with Vodka
she literally hasn't taken the mardi gras beads off in three days. she showered in them. TWICE.
The 9th floor RA wants to know why we stacked 21 cinder blocks in the shower, and I can't remember. Do you?
I'm just here to guide your spirit, avoiding herpes is on you though
She told me my pubes were as soft as "fine wool"
History professor is at the bar. Hurry! There's only so many A's he could give before it starts to look bad.
How exactly do I approach the whole "Well that was fun. Am I purchasing the Plan B or you?" topic?
He did not appreciate the "you did reuse the diamond" comment when looking at his new fiance's ring.
I'm 50% weirded out and 50% into it
Nothing is working I'm going to die alone and on hold with a State Farm representative
Would it be weird if I congratulated the guy who almost broke up my marriage for working on the marriage equality bill? You know, thanks for fighting for the sanctity of marriage. Weird, right?
I'm going to sleep with this bank teller and I'm going to enjoy it, just try and stop me
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