he squeezed my boobs like he didn't know what else to do with them, then turned down head...
told you he was gay.
I asked you if you were ok and you said "dude I'm fine, I'm in the recovery position"
He came up and told us to watch as he chugged his beer with no hands. Then asked if he could come drunk swimming with us.
Are you also wondering how we get home after the party bus?
Home?
To do list: put blue gatorade in a windex spray bottle. spray it into my mouth in public so people think i'm drinking windex.
You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.
hey the jello shots wont freeze
How much Everclear did you put in them?
uhhh all of it
I want to tell everyone I've ever met about how he him picking me up and fucking me against the wall was the highlight of my life. Worst lesbian ever.
My exam ends at 4pm so I plan to be passed out in the bar by 5pm. Want to join me?
Broke my ankle and blacked out on my scooter last night. 'Twas grand.
You make any dick jokes involving sushi and there WILL be consequences.
Sushi is fucking sacred in this house and I will kill you if you try and taint that.
Tell him you want to lick his face. Didn't work for me but might turn out better for you idk
Remind me to tell you: When threeways go awry, my MLK weekend story.
You know its an epic night when omar the garbage man gives you a ride home at 6 in the morning.
I got kicked out of the E.R. for saying "balls".
Randomize
