Lonely and bored. Am I allowed to play Dance Dance Revolution by myself?
the only difference between me and a prostitute was that i complained a lot more.
i just saw a guiness commercial where the guiness was on the verge of spilling the whole time. i was on the edge of my seat scared shitless. im an alcoholic.
i feel like my eyelids need a kick stand.
just took a shot of real whiskey... i forgot what it's like to drink liquor that costs more than twelve dollars.
All I heard was "You have collect call from Lafayette Parish Jail for Dude it was awesome! I'll tell you about it later!"
Resolution for 2011: blow jobs are a privilege, not a right.
This whole situation could've been avoided if you would've just let me open the beer
Everybody shut up a minute, we need to discuss how much nicer the world would be if pants weren't a thing.
If I never see my landlord's dick again, it'll be too soon.
Just so you know, I woke up with 2 oven mits in my bed and no clothes on.
Had to decide between a hook up at the train restroom or getting to work on time #growingup
You grabbed my shirt and said, "hope you're not attached" and ripped it off before I could answer you.
saw a family tailgating a graduation with hard liquor... i'm assuming yours?
are you shitting me? they told me they'd at least wait until 10am
My liver has officially said "fuck this shit" and escaped from my body.
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