You're my favorite asian/girl I've met here.
You're ridiculous
Your hot
If you made a robot out of pillows would he be nice? It's hard to imagine a mean pillow robot. And who came up with the idea of shaving their legs?
Just saw a british exchange student take a flyer for free dental care. Yes.
im in class. still drunk. wearing one sock. eating a breakfast sandwich and trying to make sure this bottle of whiskey doesnt fall out of my purse in front of my professor
he got a rim job in the basement.
apparently i was the one who gave it to him.
Just now remembered singing Trashy Women at the reception. Not karaoke, just sang along with the mic I stole from the DJ. All while still in my dress drinking champagne from the bottle
shit went down at the bar when this girl with 'morals' totally cock blocked a married guy. she actually kicked IN the bathroom door when they were fucking in there. then we all did shots.
Add caroling to the list of things we need to do in an elevator
So, the officer that worked my wreck, I'm rockin his world tonight. He saw me high on morphine in the ER. So he knows my level of crazy. Think he'll agree to wear his gun?
So many things can go wrong tonight.
I woke up in a toga after going to a Hawaiian party. I don't even know.
The groom's brother was an accomplishment. Then I remembered he was also the officiant. Check and check.
We'll just play naked Twister, the rest will take care of itself
He just flipped the beer pong table and set the ceiling fan on fire things are about to get crazy
There is a moment when you wake up with a butt plug in when you question your choices in life.
There is also a moment when you wake up in a kiddie pool of jello cubes where you question what the fuck you did last night. Are you still in the attic or did you go home.
Too hungover to brush my teeth. took a swig of menthol schnapps instead. lazy or incredibly efficient?
Youre my hero
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