she looks like luggage that fell from a plane
i make out with random ppl when i drink he shouldnt feel special
if you take his cock out, you have to give him a bj. it's like giving a moose a muffin.
I think my tv knows when im high and tells taco bell
Hey! Thanks for asking, but it didnt go well. He threw up in the car on the way to dinner. Blind dates arent for everyone.
the ceiling is raining jello shotss
It's like I'm snorkeling in an ocean of tequila.
They sat me on college avenue with a puke bucket and people were mistakenly throwing change in it. Got me enough money take a cab back to my apartment.
Honest to god.. She looks better fat. I never would have imagined those words coming out of my mouth, EVER.
Really because I got kicked out the eagles game for running up n down the steps singing ' fly eagles fly ' then punched a Dallas fan in the face before the game even started..
So I got lost trying to find you guys and ended up proposing to a bride in a bachelorette party with a condom.
Also, I don't know if it's the drugs I'm on or not, but I truly believe I was hypnotized last night listening to an audio book.
He sent me a dick pic, and it had smeared lipstick on it. So I sent him the pic of my tit with the hickey ring your brother gave me.
That was fun and all, but let's never have sex on a ladder ever again.
That man makes my giblets tingle
Congrats? I think?
Randomize
