Most of the time people just stick whatever they want in my mouth. Thanks for letting me decide this time
I'm at taco bell and they have a hiring sign asking "do you like to melt things?" clearly they only want the ambitious.
they arrested me when i was peaking, i'm pretty sure they were specifically looking for me but i was too busy rolling around, loving the grass to notice the police car..
what do i owe you?
$237.46 to be exact.
if im having that much fun on the weekend i better start remembering it.
all law school has taught me so far is how to fart quietly during lectures and how to out-argue the ice cream guy when he screws me out of extra toppings.
SEXX, SEXX, SEXX,SEXX,SEX SEX SEXXXXXXX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEXSEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEX.\nimagine that to the can can song. also come to my house. theres a dance routine.
We've started traveling with Michael and Patrick so we can pretend we're two legit straight couples.
A charade that fell apart the second another couple on the cruse found Sarah face down in my box on an observation deck.
A homeless man gave him a blanket and an ambulance drove him to sarahs...
Now when you said you'd never sleep with me, did you really mean never on a Monday or never without handcuffs or a blindfold or never on a airplane or never without lots of booze? Cus never is a pretty strong word.
I mean, if there was a version of you with a penis, you'd fuck it...right? Like just outta curiosity at least
EX BOYFRIEND'S TWINS WERE BORN TODAY. THIS CALLS FOR A MARG.
Fireball goes down like mother's milk. Btw your housemate is naked
My throat is burning
Thats because you proceeded to drink the salsa because you thought it was alcohol...dumbass
After we had sex he gave me a thumbs up... fucking A&M Aggies, man
how do do this?
do what? Keep standing? Choose between 2 guys?
keep making boys cry?
Randomize
