Stop everything. They have oreo straws to drink milk with and then you eat the straw. I think i just got turned on by a cookie commercial.
when i spit it made a heart shape. i think it's a sign
turkey basters and jungle juice, is that really the whole shopping list for new year's?
Yessssssssss. I got taped to a couch last night apparently. I also thought i was close to scoring after talking to some chick about hard boiled eggs
had my ear almost bitten off in foreplay. the sex gods do not like me.
I lost track of him after he threw the handful of pennies at the 2 female cops and ran into the darkness. I heard a tazer and a scream. All that is left is his flip flop. Its like hes drunken man-derella.
This tiny Canadian guy just tipped me $20, a piece of gum, and a joint. I wasn't working. He literally tipped me for talking to him.
I think we can all agree that the size of her boobs, combined with beer, is destroying my ability to judge looks.
I can't go to class, I have all this weed to sell
Please call us Steph is okay but missing phone wallet tooth
I'm going to start using the hurricane naming system for my hangovers. Hangover Agatha is a real bitch today.
.... I'm on a random couch somewhere in Newark wrapped in a Lightning McQueen blanket
He made me spaghetti, gave me wine and I fucked him on the floor, Is that a fair trade of services to you?
Watching porn.....Adele is playing in the background...so many emotions right now...so many.
breakfast this morning: omelette, Valium and baileys hot chocolate
Now that sounds like the breakfast of champions
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