I bet him anal if they won...the one time Detroit decides to win, it had to be this week
i love how i spend my mornings exploring my phone to see what i did last night.
dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex
What color are my eyes?
Ummmm... 34 C?
I love it. Like, more than my penis at the moment.
I tried to talk to him, but he didn't recognize me at first. I had to show him the top of my head and then he remembered.
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
Not every day do you see a hooker getting arrested at noon. Just kidding, we live in Reno.
LESSON OF THE DAY: Saying Everclear gets you out of explaining anything.
Official reason: I couldn't get time off. The real reason: last Xmas nearly ended in alcohol poisoning to prevent me from screaming like a velociraptor
BRING THE BAGELS
also I have no idea whose underpants I'm wearing right now but they're super comfy and I'm not giving them back ever
Well, why would you bring gelado into a strip club?
so we have roughly decided that hes the dude all the chicks will bang in college, just so he will do their term papers
Jack and I got in a huge fight at 6am. He fell asleep when I was giving him head so I freaked. We were both black out so I made a memo in my phone reminding me
Randomize