you're like a bully in the Christmas story
There really should be an "avoid ghetto" option on my GPS.
Four minutes until I can fart!
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
Seriously? What part of meeting at Oktoberfest while I'm wearing a dirndl, double fisting, and making out with random guys screams "i'm girlfriend material"?!
Someone painted a weed leaf on my leg with red paint. Or blood. I hope paint.
Holy fuck just found a used tampon in the leg of my pants. it's not paint. It's. Not. Paint.
Maybe if more guys knew my pillowtalk occasionally includes me scribbling notebook diagrams of cell signalling pathways, I'd get laid more often
At this point can I suggest a mail away bride. You judge Nick but you are a strange dude and that may be your ticket.
I still count it as showing your tits. Even though the wall was the only one who saw anything. Your boyfriend was pissed.
How the fuck can he download so much porn but not know how to find the Skype app?
Fair warning: I will be throwing corn dogs at you every time I see you this week.
He meowed while sucking on my nipple, it got even weirder when he said he was trying to moo.
Just heard him in the middle stall. Sounded like someone emptied a toolbox into the toilet.
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
Goat in kitchen.....explanation?....
Randomize
