I'm in the grocery store cradling a box of wine like it's my firstborn, so of course this would be the first and only time I've ever seen my boss outside of the office.
I knew she was going to get knocked up just by looking at her facebook pics
my tonsil wound opened up during the kegstand but i stopped it with a popsicle
Please never let me the drunk fat dancer in the bus girl
Number of twigs I found in my hair: 5
I'm going out with a guy whose nickname is Shark Week cause he'll eat anyone. I'm very excited.
I'm getting turned down for sex. Apparently my "sexual appetite" cannot be satiated even by a man who's such a deviant he went to prison for jerking off in his car.
I have to sanitize my nipples and its just to cold in here for it to be ok
he just kept texting even after we lit his shoelaces on fire. he just calmly walked into the pool... still texting.
I swear you won't find cereal in your washer machine again.
Honestly I have a huge freedom boner right now and if I came it would be red white and blue
This is possibly the most humiliating moment of my life. I have diarrhea, in a port-a-potty, at the Renaissance Festival.
Actually, lets be honest. I will probably keep calling him the pastor because it brings me joy using pastor and fuck buddy in the same sentence.
I'm sexting at my family's 4th of July BBQ and I feel no shame....
He made me come so hard I punched another hole in the wall mid orgasm.
I'm not fixing this one for you. Do it your own damn self.
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