Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
The dr is doing well, he randomly asked if I was bi
well. it's seven AM and i'm too high to hula hoop.
I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
I can't believe he would be such an ass
Your boobs are way too big for you to be worrying about anything.
i was about to cum until he started doing shrek impressions.
So not only did team sweden fail to particpate in any drinking game but i also found puke in my viking helmet this morning.
If you can't find your cat in the morning it's cause i put him in the laundry basket and then put the laundry basket in the shower.
Well, when he's back from China he's probably gonna be pissed I used the spare key he gave me to prove to everyone I'm fucking an NBA player. We took all his booze too.
Say hello to your nephew Sir Isaac Meriwether van Catsworth
I'm going to have to start taking your phone after ten. That's when all the cat pictures come
I want you inside of me and on top of me and under me and behind me
Basically I need you to be like god, just fucking everywhere
He got weirdly turned on by the video of my cat licking nacho cheese off my finger.
Just woke up in my fuck buddies bed with, from the looks of her ass and side boob, a girl that is not my fuck buddy. This should be interesting
I baked a frozen pizza completely, put it back in the plastic and box, and put it back in the freezer. THAT drunk.
cmon you know I'm perfectly capable of something that ridiculous 100% sober
Randomize