True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
I un-blacked out around 7am watching J.lo videos on youtube
Holy fuck. She looks like Vin Diesel's stuntman
I incognito puked under the VIP table. Did Jersey proud.
this cock blocking thing really has to end bro...its one thing to tell jen i live with my mom.. its another to cut the brakes on my car..
They left me stranded on the side of the road with a table and five gallons of water. They said it was all I really needed to survive. People are staring
We were playing hot potato with real potatoes at 3am
I'm like the kid who wants his birthday and christmas equally. Every time I get one I want the other. Only I don't want holidays I want brothers
My mom just gave me my fake back to buy her more wine.
No he's great. He's trying to do "sexy stuff" for me now, which is pretty hilarious. He stirred my daiquiri with his penis last night. He also tied a bouquet of flowers around it.
Hey, I'm renting a storage locker for the summer to keep all my bondage shit in so my parents don't see it. You wanna split on it for your all your weed shit?
Reasons why I love cats more than people: 1. They're not fucking people.
And I was like "take off the damn flower crown, we're about to have sex not post an indie picture on tumblr"
why not an indie porn pic then
It's gotten to the point where waking up in my own apartment is a surprise
This is the best thing we've done since that time we started a religion
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