mmm... i enjoy making beautiful women smile
I just made this asian woman on the boardwalk that was giving 20 dollar massages upset after I asked her if a happy ending comes with it.
Getting a high five from your dog when you're stoned is one the greatest rewards of being a pet owner.
im celebrating the fact lent is over and i can give blow jobs again.
Idgaf if he's a manwhore, he's like the mt. everest of penises. howcan I NOT try to put that inside me?
I really want to shower but i'm afraid i'll sober up. My mouth feels like a stripper pole too...
drunk grocery shopping was not as bad of an idea as i thought, this salmon cat food tastes a lot like tuna
Apparently I'm ahead in the foot race to his dick because I'm not insane. If I'd have known that's all it took, I'd have worn sweat pants more often.
All I remember is folk music and a lot of drugs. I am never going "on an adventure" with you again
I'm going to assume that "the army of generous folk dancers" is no longer a goal you are willing to fulfill
I feel like drug tests are a little less "random" when you are employed by your father.
I'm not even mad. I was just trying to get a boner, you're the one that had to see that
Hahahaha yep. You were picking up the credit card machine and singing to it in Spanish.
She came home, put on the news, left a 20 minute drunk message on her friends machine, then proceeded to play back the entire message laughing hysterically and then just passed out
Oh fuck, I'm officially a cougar..he's got the same name as my grandson
Try me, you 5'5 gremlin
Randomize
