just fucked my old babysitter, gotta love block parties
She threw all the patio furniture in the pool saying she was building a castle.
Jesus christ how hard is BRING SNACKS AND DRUGS to interpret? I trust your judgement on this one.
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
Wow has his pick up routine ever gotten bad. He is trying to use cheese as a way to flirt with the waitress
Oh man, he played the Harvarti cheese card and it didn't work. Now he is flailing
I peed sitting down because I knew standing was a lost cause
Alls I wanted was a fun New Years but I end up fingering a geico sales representative on a futon and giving her a ride to work the next morning
Fun times on public transportation. I just had a guy imply that I was racist cause I didn't want to talk to him when I was clearly reading my book and he was clearly on coke.
He asked me who my new boyfriend was and I showed him a picture of my sex toys.
I mean, I already hooked up with her boyfriend. The least I can do is accept her facebook friend request.
Get here now. I need a drinking buddy. I don't care if you're in a different timezone, it'll be five o clock here faster.
Looks like it rained condoms in my room last night
Bleach your asshole, I'm on my way.
Who is this?!?!
i want to say his dick was in it but not his heart
Randomize
