I wasn't pimping you out... I was helping you network!
I haven't shaved so I have to behave myself. I'm going to do this from now on.
I cant. I'm trying to smell my vagina.
I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
this is hardly the first time i've been told i'm dressed "too suggestively" for 7 in the morning.
This from the guy I found eating salad out of a pot lid in his boxers on his porch last night.
Did I change midway through last night?
Seven times. The most notable outfits were UFC Fighter and Top Hat Viking
I'm sitting at work trying to dust glitter off my pants. I can't hang out with her anymore.
I'm surprised I didn't lose anything last night. Except maybe my dignity but other than that we gucci.
I work 80 hours a week to prevent myself from just laying in bed and masturbating all day. It's a hands off strategy.
my birth father cheated on his wife with my birth mother. it's literally in my blood to be a home wrecker.
Booze, boobs, blunts and batman. dude, I'm livin' the life.
Wait... where the hell did you even find a live OCTOPUS, let alone green eggs and ham?
Why do so many fanfic writers want to see hockey players get pregnant?
Randomize
