Went to bed at 4 in a strangers bed. woke up wearing scrubs, realized i was gonna be late for work so i just wore the same clothes as the day before... i don't have a toothbrush and im pretty sure there is leftover semen in my mouth. at some point i think i was at the beach cuz theres is sand in my underwear. i love newport already.
So I tried to call my phone from his phone and was like, "hey, my name is not in here..I thought you had my number" turns out he has my number saved as "gives good head"
I woke up next to her this morning and couldn't remember her name. Luckily, she had written it on my hand so that I could add her on facebook.
If I can't get a one-legged man to love me, what the hell chance do I have with a NORMAL guy???
we made out inside of a kiddie slide for about 20 mins. it was the sexiest, most suffocating experience I've ever had
Question: does the slut gene come from the mother or the father? im trying to figure out who to blame.
he grabbed my head and said "you are a horse. I am leading you to water" pushed it down and whispered "Drink."
My penis has a 100% approval rating. He has never received a formal complaint. If you'd like to file one, you can go fuck yourself.
This is one of those moments when you do what I say or I come stalk you down like a gazelle.
I woke up missing my shoes and my left eyebrow. MY. EYEBROW.
Family trip though. I generally don't wheel too much ass with the fam in tow. Despite the fact my parents would be pleased if I did.
Is it rude to say "I hate you because you live inside Hillary Clinton's asshole"?
You're having marijuana delivered to you. You're buying drugs and you aren't even leaving the house. I'm sure he'll be surprised if you're NOT wearing a bathrobe.
Hahaha wearing a fake moustache in public was the best idea i ever had
Pooping to opera.
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