I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
i don't think you understand, blowjobs are like flowers for guys.
My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
Um. That's my cat Laura. You put my cat in your mouth, and then you put my cat in your purse.
I have bruises everywhere. I think I took "the drinks are strong" as more of a challenge than a warning.
Just served breakfast to a bunch of hella drunk kids. They kidnapped the birthday boy for his 21st and he was wearing a disney onesy and bunny ears. They've been drinking since before dawn, why don't we have friends like that?
This storm betta not fuck with taco tuesday
It doesn't matter how many beers you've had, it's unacceptable to piss in someone's helmet after a playoff win.
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
I came home to him frying bacon to put in his beer. He said bacon beer lights, taste the awesomer rockies
Would you go as one half of Harry and Lloyd in Tuxes to Aaron's wedding?
My walk of shame wasn't complete until I projectile vomited clutching my truck bumper while he just smiled with that look of regret.
She picked me up from the bar in her underwear.
When he busted out the ketchup I got the hell out of there. It got really creepy really fast.
Got any extra dick over there? I’m running low
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