just cheers'ed a flock of cattle as i drove past eating a burger i bought 7 hours ago. that high.
Apparently he's taking the slut he cheated on me with on a cruise for her birthday. THAT COULD HAVE BEEN ME. TITANTIC STYLE.
Just saw pictures of a pregnant teen from my hometown with an American flag wrapped around her naked body posted on FB without irony. These are my roots.
Sorry I missed your call. Have a great morning.
That is a horrible way of saying good morning to someone. You basically reminded me that we did not hook up yesterday. It's bad enough I got to go to work all day with blue balls.
He's living a porn movie. He's slept with a waitress at her work for lunch, a bar tender at the bar that night, and the cleaning lady the next morning.
4 people stoned, 3 boys I've slept with, 2 I gave chlamydia, and a partridge in a pear treeeeee
How festive
preface to our conversation: my vagina hurts.
She fell off the bed and giggled until she passed out naked. It was really weird.
Probably not gonna date her.
come over we're fb stalking guys who were dressed as bananas last night because i can't remember which one i blew
You tried to use him as a battering ram. I'm 99% certain that's why he left.
Come over. We have half a bottle of jumbo champagne left and no boyfriends to slow us down
I'm really interested in the size of his penis so report back on that one
Been smoking since 4. The inevitable finally happened: I bought a cheesecake.
I didn't know it was possible and I don't know if I'll ever be able to do it again on my own but he literally fuck me sideways.
My professor just said irregardless, get me out of here
I guess he's ir-illiterate
Randomize
