8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
Is it just me, or does Colt McCoy look like Herbie the Dentist from "Rudolph the Red-nosed Reindeer"?
I kept whispering "I love it when you call me big papa" until she got annoyed and left
I guess since this is supposed to be my year of the lesbian it's okay
level of my singleness - just ate a whole pizza topless in bed.
I AM HAVING A WEIRD OUT OF BODY EXPERIENCE. IN CAPS LOCK.
Apparently he crashed because 3 different girls were trying to give him road head at the same time.
Where are you? I hear fireworks and you've gone missing. I'm sure that is not coincidence.
Just to update you. I am dead. So your probably gonna have to find a new roommate
Did u know it's unconstitutional to turn down a shot during 4th of July celebrations.. Rest now dear liver
Pedi-lyte stocked
I think I have to break up with him. I just cried, not moaned, screamed, etc, cried, with tears of sadness and disappointment when I came.
a guy offered me a piece of pizza if I'd make out with a random girl. We got the whole damn box and I ain't even mad
"He didn't answer my snap so I know he's arrested"
I had a rough night. I'm just gonna lay here and masturbate for a while before I have to go adult.
Randomize