I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
i'm lost and i look like a hooker
Yeah she is in it for the money, wait til she finds out i am broke and the sex doesnt get better
I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
its a sex-hate relationship...no love involved
What's your middle initial? I need it for the census. I put us down as "unmarried partners."
Oh my god... you're gay. Ps, its A.
No no. According to the 2010 US Census, we're gay.
I walked in and you were laying on the floor bleeding everywhere half asleep half crying and moe was at the kitchen table eating frozen pizza refusing to acknowledge you. What a sight.
oh my god, just saw a man throw up in a trashcan and blood came out of his nose. HES GETTING ON MY BUS. HES SITTING ACROSS FROM ME. FUCK.
I have officially tracked lube all over our house on the bottom of my socks without knowing it. Don't slip when you come in
Am I really in your phone as Asshole Jesus??
Nothing says Panama City like condoms washing up on the shore.
GOIN TO BED BEFORE TEQUILA BLEEDS FROM MY EYEBALLS
Well. We had sex and then watched 6 episodes of Dateline NBC together; only breaking the silence to make disapproving noises at shotty police work. So basically yea I'm gonna marry him.
Dick is the cure to depression. I'm almost positive. And cough syrup.
Went to bed in my room fully clothed, woke up naked in the kitchen with the dog looking unamused.
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