My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
I like you better when you drink
I like you better when I drink too
So I just introduced myself to this guy in front of me and now he's saving my pictures on facebook to his phone..
The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
I just want you to know IcyHot in the ear is weird. Don't ask.
She may be a slut, but at least she's a dedicated slut. She's always super tan and has her shit shaved in really cool designs.
I also turned off the Anchorman DVD start menu before cause I didn't want Will Ferrel watching me lose my virginity.
I thought he was having it in Athens. Alright. Have fun. Please save my dignity and refrain from talking about my boobs and sexual "abilities". If I have any. I just feel like they are going to ask. Repeat after me. And repeat it 5 more times. This is going to be the phrase you're going to rely on tonight: "I can neither deny or confirm such actions."
currently googling "apology gifts for when you poop on their floor"
Ran out of eye drops right after putting them in one eye. Half baked at work.
Listen I'm tryna celebrate your divorce. Sometimes that calls for drinking on the toilet.
you need a warning label. Just announcing that you are Scottish is seen more as a challenge. Those guys have no idea what they are getting into.
I'm sorry I was just sleeping on the kitchen floor I'm too dead to think
Jesus I was next level high last night having a mental epiphany about the state of Virginia
fucked one of the teachers, librarian job's going great
Randomize
