I'm so high that a hulu ad convinced me to go on healthybaby.com
Soup is not an acceptable meal before doing that many Jager bombs
No mixer. Vodka in yogurt?
Sex tent. say it aloud its amazing. promise you we rnt stoned.
Pretty sure I'm taking the break up well. Alcohol made me okay with it and drugs keep me agreeing with why I dumped him in the first place.
do you think if she looks enough like a dude i have to come out to my parents?
That one dude should feel honored if he were to get herpes from you. Fuck that Guy. He is a herpe.
He was my shower sex Sherpa last night. And we both made it safely up the mountain.
I swear to god there was like a 2-second timespan in which he went from laughing to coughing, hiccuping, and subsequently projectile vomiting into the grass. There is literally a line in the grass, about 2 yards long, of his puke. It was more impressive than disgusting to be honest. And then he just shrugged and said "I have no idea where that came from."
Our motto for the night: BLACK OUT OR BACK OUT.
That's our motto every night.
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
I have jury duty tomorrow
I almost deep fried my finger today and yet I think you are worse off than I am.
Crying in Target on a display sofa is normal, right? Asking for a friend.
I just fanned myself with my wet toothbrush to dry my mascara. Wtf
Rule number 1 of dorm living: do not forget your butt plug in the bathroom.
Randomize
