well you can't waste a boner
In case you were wondering, you weren't dreaming. I really did get stuck between my bed and the wall last night.
i've decided that sluts are like cars. they may look good as hell on the outside, but you never know what kind of shit is hiding under the hood.
Somebody started a fire in the kitchen. I puked on it till it went out. The firemen high fived me.
You don't even know the meaning of faking an orgasm until you sleep with an uncircumcised ginger.
what part of "i slept with our hot teacher" are you not excited about?!
the part where you beat me to him
fair enough.
my greatest accomplishment from the city of diplomacy is that i puked at a table of 5 diplomats and my professor and NONE OF THEM NOTICED
We're knee deep in HJ's right now.
I just creeped on air mattress guy's facebook and discovered his ex is the trifecta of evil: tiny, cute, and blonde.
get ready to load up the weird cannon and blow a load of buck-wildness all over the place people
I am officially now FB friends with my arresting officer.
As soon as I got there, you appeared out of no where, yelled "they're giving away free cigarettes!" in my face and then disappeared and I didn't see you the rest of the night.
Showing girls my stab wound was not the brilliant idea I thought it was.
Sorry I bailed on you yesterday. I was propositioned.
And you don't turn down margaritas and oral.
Also we're getting drunk and sledding down Caroline street. See you soon.
Randomize
