The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
i feel like a thai whore the morning after the navy left.
Yeah he is here but I can't let him know I am until he has like 30 min worth of drinks. so when he see me he isn't like "omg ew,NO!"
I have so much to learn from you, wise slut
Had a 3 sum last night, and today food just taste better and the air seems so much fresher!
No more tipping the bathroom attendant with your phone.
She's lying on the sidewalk wailing that she is gonna die alone, with hundreds of strangers watching us, and also we lost Kate, . Please help me
For future reference, the blowjob coupons I gave you for your birthday are NOT transferable to pay your friends for tacos.
You could probably play six degrees of separation of my cock in this city.
So to distract myself from jackies vomiting, im making up a story in my head. It's called the little penis that could
don't you dare blame getting arrested on me. you sugested we play the penis game and we all know I'm a strong competitor
They have a genuine stripper pole secured to the floor of their living room. I am thoroughly take advantage of it. I've made $5 so far. Why don't more places have poles??!
I touched the butt once. 'Twas an experience with the greatness of legend. So I touched it once more.
I don't want to get pregnant doggy style. That's sad.
next time you go get food at three am and leave a rando here can you warn me??? Also i tazed him. but it was just my little one so i think he'll be fine. bring me some fries.
Got my client divorced finally. He was even awarded the cat ashes. Yep I went to law school for this.
Randomize