sorry probably not gonna make it :( kinda tied up right now
sad face, r u gay?... wait like really tied up?
:)
He asked what my name was on facebook chat. IT SAYS RIGHT THERE. i will never be drunk enough for this guy.
just woke up COVERED in glow sticks and glitter. didn't even have to turn the light on to puke.
Lives are in shambles. Livers are in disrepair. Our friend was missing for 2 days. His brother slept in a porta potty. God damn you college world series
I just don't know about this life anymore. Quite frankly I think I belong up there in the great blue, lounging on a cloud sippin tea with Jesus
If I EVER wake up with two black eyes again you better come up with a better story than trying to see how many punches I could take.
I'm hungry
Come here to eat and play. It'll be like Dave and Busters except with sex
So it's national ass day?! I love October. No bra last Saturday and now ass day. This is my month. God is dedicating this October to me!
Have you ever just woke up in the morning and felt pregnant
Watching my ex make out with another girl is weird.
But she's wearing a jumpsuit so I feel better.
let’s be honest I’d fucking Irish step dance on your grave, asshole
You may have gone on a date, but I ate chicken nuggets shaped like dinosaurs for dinner tonight. I think we both know who the real winner is here.
That's a beautiful sentiment.
I had sex with a boy who lives in a closet, that's like having sex with Harry Potter, right?
Saw your dad at the bar last night... And again this morning when he left. Told you not to mess with me bitch.
Um I got a ride home from the bar with two random boys and one tried to bang me on my parents riding mower
Randomize
