would you ever date a girl who drove an 89 Chrysler LeBaron? - for the record it's a convertable
I'd like to apologize to your liver. It sees how much beer i drink and gets jealous of how awesome my liver is.
I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
You should see the damage i did to the apartment last night. So many broken things and butter sticks stuck to windows.No memorys
passed a homeless guy with a sign that read "420 vetran" we gave him a bowl of bud
I'm not sure, 7-8, the last bit was a rush of at least three blended together. Basically you fucked me so stupid that I can't even recall the number of orgasms.
So you know, I'm making that my facebook status.
Nothing will ever prepare you for the moment when you are sitting on your friends bathroom floor with no pants on eating string cheese & pita at 2am.
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
I caved man... I fucked her so vigorously, desperately trying to correct her wonky eye. My determination was relentless.
You are a terrible person.
I just try to be optimistic...
He is really real. Like I know where he works, have referenced him with mutual fb friends and I've seen his dick. He's real.
Gotta get new sheets. ..I fucked the satin off mine.
A stripper just invited me to her daughter's birthday. Where did my life go wrong?
I woke up hugging my purse and I found a business card in my underwear. How?
How old am I that I had to sneak a boy out of my room this morning...
So you're at your daughter's volleyball game looking at dicks online? That's amazing.
No, I was picking her up from volleyball and sitting in my car looking at dicks.
Randomize
