dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
thats it. im googling how to make you boobs smaller. this is getting out of control.
I really hope I'm not the first person who's had to wash vomit off of cash and credit cards.
She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris
We're 17 hours into a 3 day weekend, and he's already shitfaced. He fell of the dock TWICE and insisted on wearing a life jacket on dry land.
Dave, I love you but you're barking up the wrong lesbian. You sir are the competition. You don't threesome with competition.
We played alot of beer pong and ventured into the woods with tiki torches
I replaced his Viagra pills with sleeping pills.
So you're mad that you saw a penis at a swinger's party? That's rational
U can be a future sentaor's wife if you want. I'm happy with "closet lesbian", "tech prof".and "masters degree" all rolled into one. Drunken bar escapades pay off.
This was the fourth year in a row I got arrested at Pride. Pretty sure that qualifies me as a legend.
He had a hook in his ceiling. I think I'm in love!
I wish I was there so i could bitch slap his incredibly sexy face
Tomorrow I'm going to tape my thumbs to my palms and my biceps to my abdomen to learn what it's like to be a t-rex for a day. Anyone else in?
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
Randomize
