This girl is more easily done than said...
Do you have a shampoo for semen
Or a time machine
my ass has officially been on the floor of every fraternity on this campus
and who said we didn't have goals?
well tonys high enough to be moving from spot to spot around the kitchen shooting tortellini into a boiling pot and yelling "KING JAMES" whether he makes or misses it.
is election day enough of a holiday to justify getting fucked up on a tuesday?
No, this time she was diabetic. I think I fucked her into diabetic shock.
Apparently I was holding on to a pizza crust for hours last night.
found a rock and smashed the sliding glass door. home safe. screen door is locked so we're good.
I just wanted to share with you that my life has come to naked arts and crafts, to fix my flask, with a rum and coke in my hand... Good luck on your exam
sick fucks of a feather flock together
It's like you're a magic genie of bad timing
Never backflip into an above ground pool. I think the gash will be smaller by Monday though.
Peeling duct tape off of my dick is definitely one of the stranger sensations that I've experienced.
No. Nooooo. No way. She looked like Amanda Bynes. The recent one not the one from All That.
Observations from Vegas: #1. Strippers pasties pose a choking hazard. #2. Best. Heimlich. Ever.
Randomize
