my professor just said "the power of the situation"
drink
I walked into the bathroom and the toilet was on fire... I stood there for like a minute trying to decide whether I should put it out or get my camera.
i'm so sad bro, I can't get any pussy. I'm so sad
just found glitter in my belly button...seriously when will this nightmare end
Okay, lets just agree to keep all cutlery related activities to a minimum.
Is it just me or did a policeman park your car last night?
There's somethin not right about having to take the batteries out of your 27 year old boyfriends gameboy to use in your vibrator
Having a vagina does not stop me from believeing my balls are bigger than yours.
Defrosting my uncrustable with my laptop...Hungover dinner
Idk but she keeps giving me s'mores and I'm having a hard time caring about her alcoholism because of it
Then again, he has huge mansions.
*manboobs.
my mom snuck into my room, washed her clothes and made her breakfast. what the fuck she's a better boyfriend than I am
Not even official and he's cleaned my puke twice. His hotdog skills are an added bonus. I've got a keeper
Where does dick fit into Maslow's hierarchy of needs?
I should not be able to sum up my life with a taco brand motto...
Randomize