i saw a guy balancing a black cat on his head last nite
get a pic
i tried he was too far away anotherguy was walking with paper bags on his feet explain that
i want ur life
I asked my mom, she said yes...but you have to shower with grandpa.
she looked like the before picture.
the problem with having sex for lunch when its 98 degrees outside is that I can't tell if its sweat or semen running down my leg as I walk back in the office
This has been the most pleasant arrest experience I've ever had.
So I peed on what I thought was a wall while in nashville come to find out while running from the cop it was just a dark tinted window and the while bar witnessed me peeing
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
Nothing is better than seeing someone you fucked go to the Olympics. I feel so American.
At our floor meeting the RA was talking about bathroom hygiene and I really wanted to be like "what about shower sex."
Valid question
he calls himself the gay cupid because he matches two guys looking to hookup on craigstlist with each other. get me out of here. please.
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
Two of my roommates are waxing their vaginas in the living room. Can I come smoke?
I met a guy last night who bought me a book on Amazon at the bar and then we had sex. Boners for books is a thing. Boom.
Fun fact: the guy I banged last night. His middle name on his birth certificate is "Windstorm."
I think I'm just going to get a farm, a vibrater, and a lot of wine.
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