sometimes i really wish you were a nugget.
I think I am the only girl in the world who would be proud of these scars from rug burn.
We invented "Diesel Bombs." They're supposed to be a bomb, but they come in a 20+ oz. glass and have a blackout record of 6 wins and 0 losses. Undoubtedly going to be the next Muhammed Ali of the drinking world.
walked into class wearing my zorro costume. some girl just said "oh my god, i fucked zorro this weekend." I found her.
Found out last night that "Everclear" is Spanish for "shit got weird"...
She judged ME for picking my nose when SHE has the clap.
I need to find another hobby that doesn't include being hungover.
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
So his roommate walked in on us, went upstairs to tell her bf she has found a new use for the rafters & they must try it.
ok now I feel liek a very drunk human instead of a chaos being thanks water
I'm on day 4 of clean eating. I call it the "whore by June" program
I can't believe we really went to walgreens to use their cork opener, bounced and drank a bottle of wine in a sketchy corner...
I'm not a whore anymore. I gave up 90% of my women for you. I'm a 4-5 woman kind of guy now.
YOU TOOK A FUCKING SNAP OF ME TRYING TO PEE! I'M GOING TO FUCK YOU WITH THE BUSINESS END OF A RUTED RAKE!
i looked at my texts in the morning and saw that i had a full conversation with myself via text thinking it was someone else. i rejected myself
Randomize
