I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
I woke up this morning and "The Wood" was on tv. Touche TBS, touche.
That Joe Wilson reference just earned you a blow job, Mister!
Nothing says walk of shame better than a onesie and a 12 pack of corona..
he's drinking beer at home in his underwear tonight and if you want to come over the dresscode is underwear only. And you have to bring beer.
I think, at this point, getting pissed and declaring my love via reality TV would be an improvement
I have to be more responsible. I've dropped three lighters into my bong today.
I'm a terrible friend...i should have come right over instead of having sex for an hour and a half. :/ want anything from burger king?
Is it possible to break your brain with drugs?
I'm so cold without your freakishly high body temperature
that's the equivalent to a normal girlfriends. 'I miss you' btw
Is it bad I have to get shitty ass drunk on a Monday night because I can't adult?
Whose dick am I looking at? There are too many possibilities at the moment.
I don’t know what he is but he sure can suck a lollipop.
We had sex on a couch that was held together by Velcro. Want to know an unsexy sound? Velcro ripping apart under your bare ass.
So... Sorry we took your wife to the strip club last night... And sorry we bought her that lap dance... I think you're getting closer to your dream of a threesome, though.
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