you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
They should make Jack Daniels chap stick
I just heard a guy scream "it must be five o' clock!!" and another guy screamed "somewhere!!!" out from different balconies.
as my niece was drinking milk out of a crown royal glass i realized i dont think i've ever bought a glass that didnt come with a bottle of liquor....
We made a drinking game out of Project Runway. Gay guys are so fun.
Does this sound normal?...She's ironing on pictures of her dead cat to all of her green clothes...
She literally called herself a shamefully bad decision. Of course I slept with her. Best bad decision ever
You'd be surprised at how many crooked penises are out there
My face is tingly. And my legs are being massaged by golden elves.
Its like "fucckkkkk yooouuuuuu" is echoing up my esophagus
tequila?
yep
I JUST HAD A FLASH MEMORY OF DOING A SHOT OF WHISKEY WITH MY BEER YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO PUNCH ME IN THE FACE TO PREVENT THAT FROM HAPPENING.
well, at the moment I'm sleeping in someone's closet in a buzzlightyear snuggie, so I can't judge,
My snow day: told Cam, "we're not dating today, we're just roommates." No bra, boxers, drinking whiskey by myself for the past 2 hours, yelling at The Ultimate Fighter reruns from 3 years ago.
also I have no idea whose underpants I'm wearing right now but they're super comfy and I'm not giving them back ever
Hypothetical question: Would it be wrong to tell the annoying children who don't listen to their parents that the motel is haunted?
Randomize
