Another night, another sound of my neighbor almost having an orgasm.
And she used to have such long ones. Sad.
definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful?
you were just eating all his cookies and kept mumbling "them crumblies" when the crumbs got on your shirt.
Dont ask, hes out back rolling around in the yard freaking out. literally just had a 15 minute conversation, only word i could make out was "yellow"
Do you have any idea how hard it is to hit on your nurse while getting an HIV test.
Okay now that I've been wanting to eat these hot cheetos in the bathroom, I know it's time I need to stop smoking and go to sleep.
Yep. How's your hangover?
It's like I fucked its sister and it's getting back at me.
We got caught having sex in the bathroom by my professor. In accordance with tradition, we still brofisted. I think my grade went up considerably.
Bryan's allergic to that cheap detergent, so he's been naked for three days. But we're all used to it now, so the party is still on.
Thank god for federal credentials. Waaaaayyyy to hungover to go through airport security lines right now.
I'll call it a tollerance break and either will be celebrating my new job with a bowl or will be smoking my sadness away from not getting the job. Either way.
He sent me nudes and then a text asking if I tried the new Cantina Bowl from Taco Bell. He sure does romance right, doesn't he?
I swear, the guy behind me wasn't paying attention until the words "middle aged fuckboy" came out of my mouth.
Tonight was a total waste of a shaved vagina
When I came she triumphantly exclaimed, "MUAHAHA VICTORY IS MINE!"
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