He's been sleeping iwht ***
Nooo
Yeah I don't even know how, she looks like her mom smoked crack while she was in the womb
And then hit her in the face with a shovel
i love how you can even make your typing come across bitchy
Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
he sent me a naked picture of himself. things got awkward really quickly. but on a positive note he shaved his chest
I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
The difference between what I would do for a regular Klondike bar and an Oreo flavored Klondike bar is astounding
I really like you, but I want to get to know you on a time when I am not at drugs.
Thoughts of banging the girl who just opened my beer with her teeth?
Best surprise in my car. A cookie, sliced kiwi and the rest of my margarita. Work is going to be awesome.
But in fairness, I would totally have a robo-penis as long as it had full sensation.
I found the crust to my pizza under my covers that's cool
I spent last night dying strippers pubes green and landscaping shamrocks. That is why hands look like I squashed a leprechaun.
Have you ever been so high that you felt like corduroy? I'm at that level.
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
Tomorrow I'm going to tape my thumbs to my palms and my biceps to my abdomen to learn what it's like to be a t-rex for a day. Anyone else in?
Randomize
