well apparently i yelled MY VAGINA WAS ANNIHILATED and his whole family heard
Oh my god. I just envisioned myself eating panda meat. I need to get out of this class.
Mines from giving head on hardwood floors.
It's not even like I care. He was cute 30lbs ago and before he fucked that Michael Jackson look alike.
From scraping the remnants from a coke bag at a lingerie party to meeting with an 80 year old man to discuss civil rights all in under 12 hours bizarrely feels like the epitome of my life
Kinda sad when you get home on a Sunday morning and the paper guy HAND DELIVERS the newspaper to you...,
To tired for the bar. Came home and drank wine out of the bottle. Kind of don't want to know what that says about my life.
also please imagine me hopping a fence at 3am using two chairs. It was a shit show. K's guy practically ripped her off the top of the fence bc she got semi stuck. It was like watching Disney on Bud Ice.
The smell of mosquito spray completely ruined the sex.
She unfriended me on Facebook after I responded to her long love note with #demtittesdoe. Jager is the goddamned devil.
my ex's current girlfriend held my hair as I threw up. new low.
I just woke up and there was a condom wrapper stuck in my hair. This is my life.
Didn't you sleepover at your grandparents?
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
SUFFER THE WRATH OF THE PISS BAG
We were playing fuck marry kill and he was eavesdropping so I said I would fuck him
It was like catching dick in a barrel
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