i just google searched "what time does taco bell open"
Today's life lesson: fat girls should not wear tight miniskirts and vinyl leggings. This Forever 21 salesgirl is a hot mess.
Scratch that. Lia's boy toy's brother has a gorilla costume. This is gonna be great.
just saw a dude in a v-neck sweater on a bike drinking starbucks. way to feed the stereotypes white dude.
we have 69 mutual friends...i have to add her
found a ham sandwich in the elevator it tasted so hungry and it was still fresh. dont be mad at me. you know you love ham.
I figure that my generation of my family needs an alcoholic. I'll take that burden.
Everything smells like vodka and bologna. WHAT DID YOU DO?
Just found some confetti on my nipple if that's any indicator of how the night went
Being in the club with your moms drunk friends > having a healthy relationship with your mom
quick, give me some iron man trivia, i'm going to make this girl regret quoting tony stark in her tinder bio
Moral of the story: next time my plans include you and bourbon, I'm packing a toothbrush.
..needless to say, i got fired. But I'm in the parking lot tanning on top of your car... so its not all bad.
Weird. And pubic lice are now endangered so your hairy balls can rest easy
Yoooooo, the fat magician married the chick I dumped a beer on after I got pissed he was flirting with her in front of me
Randomize
