I'm looking for sex. Do you know her?
The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
I think i just got paid for sex with a hot pocket... and i accepted
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
I need to figure out how to tell my doctor that I don't want to fix my possible fertility problems until AFTER I'm done whoring around in my 20s.
Lots of alcohol last night skiing this morning = me throwing up off chairlift
Caught in the act of lying. Lipstick literally all over his dick. He tried to make some story about darkwing duck or some shit but failed to realize he is a complete moron.
He's just sitting there staring at my sisters teddy bear hoping it will come to life.
Thanks for letting me use your ID, there's $120 along with your ID in the mail to cover the Urinating in public fine I got last night....sorry
i actually texted him "nice to see you" but then there was a saved draft "i think about you when i get off." dodged that bullet...
Getting a blow job while breaking up with my gf helps cope with the pain... Kinda weird her best friend is giving me the BJ
We are so on opposite sides of the boobs spectrum
sometimes i just have a bad day n consider lowering my standards
I woke up and couldn't find her. She had somehow managed to get into the closet and lock herself in. She was crying for her boyfriend. Thirsty Thursday at its finest
If you think I'm going to drive 5.5 hours just to bang a guy, you'd be absolutely right.
Randomize
